Friday, August 1, 2008

Killing time with the Keywords

For the dozens of searchers who end up at my blog NOT for the pics of my tattoos, sometimes the journey is fruitless. This is my attempt to rectify that.


1. You Don't Mess with the Zohan opening disco song?

Thanks to Yahoo Answers and Reel Soundtrack, I got the entire list of songs used in the movie. The song in question is Ma Sheba Ba by HaDag Nachash.

2. The Life Before Her Eyes - who understood it?

Hmm--apparently not you. It's not that difficult. Without too many spoilers, let's take a look at the title which recalls the concept of one's life flashing before one's eyes in a near death experience. Take away the "near" part and add a @#$%load of pro-life propaganda and heavy-handed symbolism and you've got it.

3. Are they making a movie of The Corrections?

Eventually. Producer Scott Rudin optioned the rights in 2001. In 2002 it was allegedly in pre-production with Stephen Daldry attached to direct. In 2005, Robert Zemeckis apparently replaced Daldry and is working on developing David Hare's script. As of 2007, he was still working on it. IMBD lists 2009 as the release year--but if that's the case, they'd better get cracking!

4. Where did the story for The Happening come from?

From M. Night Shyamalan's twisted brain. There was an interesting interview about the process in USA Today a while back. Check it out!

5. Thelma from Scooby Doo movie actress?

Actually the character's name was "Velma" (Don't feel bad--I thought it was Thelma, too!) and she was played by Linda Cardellini (Freaks and Geeks).


1. I rented Entourage: Season 1 - only got 1 DVD.

That sounds about right. Season 1 only consisted of eight half-hour episodes. That's four hours total. That could fit on one DVD.

2. Series with Gabrielle Union where she plays a mental patient?

That sounds like her stint on Ugly Betty where she played Wilhelmina's bipolar sister Renee who went whacko when Willie switches her medication with fat blocker pills.

3. Danielle tells Bree she's pregnant?

Aha, a Desperate Housewives question. If I recall correctly, Danielle told ORSON she was pregnant and I believe Orson broke the bad news to Bree. But it all happened off-screen between seasons four and five, so I can't really say for sure...

4. My Name is Earl, Season 3, episode 22, Greta Camdenite?

A lot of people wanted to know who the hottie who played the innocent Greta was after the season finale aired. Unfortunately it's taken a while for IMDB to be updated with the credits for that episode, but the actress is Deborah Ann Woll and she's also had bit parts on CSI and E.R.

5. What's the song called that they sang to Earl in the episode I Won't Die with a Little Help from my Friends?

That was a very off-key rendition of Blue Oyster Cult's Burnin' for You.

6. Michelle Obama and Maksim Chmerkovsky?

Okay, I think it's about time for Chris Crocker to do a "Leave Michelle Alone!" YouTube video...Sheesh! Unless the questioner was wondering if the potential future first lady was going to be appearing on next season's Dancing with the Stars. In which case, I'm fairly positive the answer is "No." Don't count Hillary out, though!


1. I just got hired at the Gap clothing store. What do I wear?

Uh, clothes from the Gap clothing store?

2. How to celebrate birthday for above 55 years of age?

I'm not there yet, but I don't care how old someone is--you're never too old for birthday cake and presents! Pin the Tail on the Donkey or Musical Chairs, perhaps. But there must always be CAKE!

3. What is the average age of men who wear socks with sandals?

Chronologically or mentally? Because only an idiot with the fashion sense of a five year-old would wear SOCKS with SANDALS! The very purpose of sandals is the let your toes breathe!

4. Why do we clean gym equipment after use?

Because it's the polite thing to do to not leave residue from your stinky, slimy, sweaty body for others to clean up after! And for those of you who think you never sweat, trust me--you do. Wipe down the machine with a towel after you use it! (P.S. Yes, this is why your fellow gym rats roll their eyes and shake their heads in disgust as you walk by!)

5. Sweat after workout bad?

Nope. Sweat is good--after a workout, during the workout. Just not left behind on the workout equipment!

6. Hooray for the red, white and blue lyrics?

I don't think there's a song with Hooray for the red, white and blue! as lyrics other than a Looney Tunes song called Draftee Daffy. But the lyrics for You're a Grand Old Flag come close:

You're a grand old flag,
You're a high flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave.
You're the emblem of
The land I love.
The home of the free and the brave.
Ev'ry heart beats true
'neath the Red, White and Blue,
Where there's never a boast or brag.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

7. All sorts of Speedo related searches:

"Speedo fashion advice" - Just say "No."

"Men wearing white Speedos" - Ew, ew, EW!!!

"Shirt tucked into Speedos" - Is that even POSSIBLE?!!! Good grief, people--some of you are clearly beyond help!

"Speedo rabies vaccine" - I can't even begin to figure this one out. Unless there is a new vaccination that prevents males from indulging in the madness that is ill-advisedly wearing a Speedo...

8. And then the much maligned profession of Dental Hygienist: slutty dental hygienist, topless dental hygienist, affair with dental hygienist

Really, really random!

"Forehead of a whore," "Cancer rising transgender," "can pant devil steal items from closet neopets," "stability of the Monroeville Mall," "housewives dressed in leather," "favorite no," "amc theatres gluten popcorn" and finally "wall above average."

Don't know anything about "wall above average"--but I certainly know "WELL above average!"


  1. Hehe. I love these. Occasionally I google "Mark Cuban shirtless"-that's my way of saying Hi!

  2. Mark (or someone posing as him) offered to provide me with a pic. If he does, I'll post it just for you! ;)

  3. This is great. I tried answering keyword queries once and I guess I should probably do it again. Because of my blog's name, I get a lot of searches related to violins. Unfortunately, I have no musical ability, except that I like to listen to music.

  4. Yeah--I get a lot of "average age" or "average rainfall" or "above average story" and stuff like that. Hello?!!! We are not average or even merely "above average." We are "Well Above Average" and apparently a bit strange since we are referring to ourselves in the plural.

  5. The search words are funny. I just don't GET some of them. But I am more amused at your responses. And please... please no pictures of Mark Cuban :)

  6. Hmmm--that presents a dilemma...if Mr. Cuban did forward me a picture of himself sans shirt, I guess I'd have to have you and Elisabeth in a cage match to see whether I post it or not. ;)

  7. "Forehead of a whore?" I can't for the life of me imagine any sentence or concept that would include that phrase. Good god.

    Wonder if it was an attempt at a different, barely-remembered phrase?

  8. Could be, Bill. I am quite often left aghast or flabbergasted at some of the the search terms that lead people to my blog...