Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Sisterhood of the @#$%ed-Up Faces

After highlighting Michael Jackson's freakish facial evolution yesterday, I felt it only fair to point out he's not the only Hollywood star to completely @#$% up what was originally a perfectly fine face. Yes Michael, in the words of your own song, You're Not Alone.

Here are some "Princesses of Plastic Surgery" to join you:

1. Cher - Once upon a time, Cher was alternately a "Half-Breed" or "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves." Now she looks like really bad Japanese anime. You think maybe she took the title of her movie Mask a little too seriously? Or perhaps thought she really could "turn back time"?

(Singing) Do You Belieeeeve in Botox?


2. Meg Ryan - Remember how pert and perky Meg used to be? She's gone from America's Sweetheart to Bride of Chucky.


On a positive note, it looks like she has a great shot at replacing Heath Ledger as the Joker for the next Batman. Or maybe she could play a zombie Stepford wife living (I mean "undead") in the great northwest in Sleepwalking in Seattle.

3. Melanie Griffith - As Tess McGill in Working Girl, Griffith proclaimed, "I have a head for business and a bod for sin." Now it looks like she has a head full of Botox and a face that would make Satan cringe. The tagline for Cherry 2000 in which Griffith played the real yet imperfect alternative to the android model of the title was, "She's Blond, Beautiful and Forever Young." The moral of the movie was that real and flawed triumphs over perfect but fake. Guess Melanie didn't learn that lesson...

4. Jocelyn Wildenstein - This ain't no Princess of Plastic Surgery--this here is the Queen! Of the Jungle, that is... Wildenstein's ongoing quest to transform her feature into a feline's face. I'd say she's been pretty successful--if the feline in question is Garfield.

Oh, was that catty?


If you're fascinated by extreme makeovers gone horribly wrong, check out more train wrecks at Awful Plastic Surgery.

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