Well, well, well...

So I was contacted via Facebook by some guy who wants my domain name. In exchange for giving it up, he claims he can redesign my Wordpress website (It's Blogger, dude...).

I think he should probably factor in that "Well Above Average" refers to my intelligence level before making any offers.

Dude, I'm not stupid!

Dear Whore of Lucifer

My latest favorite best of Craigslist post comes via Chicago:

I have recently enrolled in a 12-step program for people whose lives were decimated and finances ruined by lawyer bills when their spouses filed for divorce after finding someone else to fuck and run off with. I am currently up to Step 8: Willingness to Make Amends. As such, I apologize for the following recent transgressions:

Told the drunk at the bar who wanted a Red-Headed Slut that he's more than welcome to you if that general contractor douchebag is done with you.

Annoyed the staff at several hospitals by calling to see if they had any fresh organ donors on hand with a heart suitable to replace your cold, dead one.

Demanded a refund from Southwest Airlines because I tried to get you on one of their planes but they refused to let my bag fly free as advertised in their TV commercials.

Scrawled your cell number in the stall of the john of the bar at the American Legion post down the street with an offer of free prostate exams for all veterans 65 and older.

Told my neighborhood U.S. Marine Corps recruiter that I knew the exact location of the dank, hopeless cave Osama Bin Laden was hiding in and provided the GPS coordinates to your pants.

Lit several offering candles at your church with prayers that karma would hurry its ass up and come around to you while I was still alive to see it.

For these things, my dear handmaiden of Satan, I make my amends. I'd still love to see your head squeezed in a vice until your eyeballs squirt out of their sockets, but I have to go along with the program.

Sex, Religion and Politics

I'm pretty sure Miss Manners would have a pithy comeback regarding Facebook status postings. As in polite conversation, I sincerely question the wisdom of people who wear their politics on their sleeve. Especially when they are egregiously uninformed.

Okay--there's no fighting ignorance I suppose, but whatever happened to plain ol' civility? The latest meme on Facebook is all about health care reform (remember when it was a place where you could toss virtual livestock at each other all in good fun?) and the knives are coming out.

This is the status update people are posting:

"No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day."

Sounds reasonable--but to many idiots stalwarts it's a thrown-down gauntlet. I submit to you that anyone satisfied with the current state of health care--which is to say, where you or your employer pay an outrageous monthly premium to an insurer that limits who you can see, what treatments you can be prescribed, how much they will cover, etc.--has either never gone without health insurance or had to deal with a chronic illness.

Having type 1 diabetes means that unless I work for a company with group health insurance, I am un-insurable. Because health insurance isn't about providing health care, it's about minimizing risk and maximizing profits. And even with group health insurance I am forced to navigate a system which is more about preventing me from obtaining health care rather than providing me with the means to do so.

I've had health insurance and I've been without health insurance--and in my experience neither situation is ideal as a means of health care. Anyone who thinks that a single payer solution like in Canada or Great Britain would be a bureaucratic nightmare hasn't navigated a health insurance phone tree. We already have the bloated bureaucracy--it's called "Blue Cross" or "Blue Shield."

And @#$% you to the moron who thinks I should move to Canada or England because I'm dissatisfied with the way the current system works. I hope you never contract a chronic illness which forces you try to actually get health care from your health insurer (good luck with that!), or have them raise your premiums or rescind your coverage as many health insurance companies have done (Well, actually I sorta do...).

It's time to remove the profit motive from health care. And it's time to get back to tossing sheep and whatnot on Facebook.

I Hate Paying for Parking

Just got back from seeing The Hurt Locker at Westfield Century City (review to follow...). I validated my parking at AMC, which in the past buys an extra two hours over their standard first three hours free. After the movie, I did some leisurely browsing (scored 3 cami tops at Lucy for $6.99 each!) and after about 3.5 hours at the mall total (including 2.5 hours for the movie when you factor in previews, etc.), I headed back to my car.

Westfield has automate pay stations now and this usually entails slipping the parking ticket into the slot, a bit of whirring of the machine which then calculates that I owe no money and spits said ticket out again for me to use when exiting the parking lot.

Imagine my shock when instead of spitting my ticket out, the machine indicated I owed $3 for that extra 30 minutes. WTF?!!! I looked at the parking rates and sure enough, that validation from AMC bought me an up to two hour grace period--for $3.00.

Smart move, Westfield! I mean three hours is barely enough time to see a movie these days when you account for arriving a bit early to buy tickets, popcorn, find a seat plus previews. Forget about getting out of an epic blockbuster like Harry Potter in less than three hours--not gonna happen. So now, instead of seeing a movie and then doing a bit of shopping afterward (I mean, as long as I'm already here!), it behooves the financially conscientious not to linger after the credits roll, but to high tail it out of there before racking up a $3 parking charge!

Way to go, Westfield! In the midst of a recession, you've found the perfect way to drive your customers away from the mall...

Nothing Says "Fashion Victim"...

...like a pair of "sandal booties." I saw a woman wearing a pair similar to these in Bed, Bath and Beyond today and my first thought was, "What the @#$%?"

Apparently I am way behind the fashion curve as these were popular LAST Summer. Yeah, not upset at missing THAT trend.

It's a bootie. It's a sandal! It's a bootal!

What was the thought process with this? I want to wear boots but show off my pedicure at the same time? I like wearing sandals, but my ankles get cold?

I don't care if Kate or Giselle have a pair in every color. I have more respect for the dweeb that wears socks with sandals than anyone sporting a pair of these...

Pharmacists are Hazardous to your Health

Am I the only one who has to deal with morons at the drugstore?

Last night I went to pick up some prescriptions that I had called in Saturday morning. As part of the automated refill process, I was asked to provide my phone number in case the pharmacy needed to contact me if there were any issues.

No call, so everything should be ready, right?

Nope.

I get there and two out of three prescriptions are ready. They tell me they're out of the Armour Thyroid. This is the third time I've had the prescription refilled and each time they're "out." I usually get sixty 60 mg tablets; one tablet taken twice a day equals 120 mgs daily total. The first time I got the prescription refilled after transferring over from CVS, they didn't have the 60 mg, so it was 120 of the 30 mg tablet. Four tablets each day. Irritating but no big deal.

Next month it was the same thing. Excuse me--you've had a month to get the 60 mg in, what have you been doing? So annoying...

This time it wasn't the 60 mg they were out of--it was the 30 mg! (No surprise since my prescription alone requires 120 tablets for a month...) They actually had the 60 mg in stock, but couldn't fill my 120 mg daily dosage because now the record in their system says my prescription is for 4 30 mg tablets each day, not two 60 mg tablets.

Despite the fact that 1. the prescription was originally written for 2 60 mg tablets daily, 2. 120 mg is 120 mg total whether it's one 120 mg pill, two 60 mg pills, four 30 mg pills or eight 15 mg pills and 3. they have no issues substituting 4 30 mgs for the original prescription, they wanted to call my doctor to get her to approve the change.

Correction: they wanted to call my doctor to get permission to dispense the prescription as it was ORIGINALLY WRITTEN!!!

Idiots.

I finally badgered them into filling the prescription but it took over half an hour.

Rite-Aid sucks.

Memos to Moron - part ten

Here I am, using the Abductor/Adductor machine. There you are waiting to use the same machine. I say waiting, but in fact you are HOVERING.

It's annoying.

When someone is using a machine that I want to use, I use another machine instead while I wait. It makes the time go faster and then neither I or my fellow gym rat have to deal with awkwardness.

If after using several machines said person is still using the machine I want to use, I may inquire as to when they might be finished. This is standard gym etiquette.

Unfortunately you are an inconsiderate moron. I say moron because your tactic of HOVERING is counterproductive. It does not encourage me to rush through my sets with expediency. In fact, it makes me go more SLOOOOOOOWLY.

Yeah, it's bitchy--but that's how I roll.

You've been warned. If I'm using a machine you want to use, you'll get to use it more quickly if you back off and do something more productive than hovering in my sight line.

I suggest using the ab machine. You look like you could use it.

I May Wear My Heart on My Sleeve....

...but at least I'm not stupid enough to post it as a status update on Facebook.

I just recently hid the feed of a friend whose status updates were so vitriolic that it made me physically ill to read them. I doubt I'm the only person she's offended or turned off with her right wing-nut ranting.

Hey people--you've a right to your beliefs (as idiotic as they may be...) and your politics. You can vote for whomever you like and subscribe to flights of fancy and conspiracy theories easily disproved by a quick visit to Snopes.com. But please remove me from your forward list of the latest e-mail alerting me to how illegal immigrants and Islamic radicals are destroying America.

I'd rather suffer through pictures of LOL cats or even good luck chain letter than this ignorant crap.

Anyway, I don't have to read the ranting any more. But Facebook is a pretty public forum and more than just friends (or former friends...), so unless you're angling to be Ann Coulter's personal assistant or Rush Limbaugh's sober companion, you could be shooting yourself in the foot with your freaking status updates.

Facebook status updates are for announcing that you just ate some pistachio ice cream, or posted a movie review on your blog, or to muse about the weather. It's not a good place to have a political debate.

Especially when your knowledge of the subject is as glib and superficial as your knowledge of Flixster trivia...

Rebate Scam

Looks like Scott Adams has also been ripped off by Wirefly...

The Television Chronicles

Since getting DirecTV, I've been exposed to television series I hadn't had access to prior. Here's a rundown:

1. The United States of Tara - While I wasn't overly impressed with Diablo Cody's Juno, I found this show engrossingly addictive from the get-go. It's an acting tour de force for Toni Collette who portrays a woman with multiple personalities but it certainly doesn't hurt that hottie John Corbett is on board playing Tara's long-suffering husband, Max. (Anyone else think Carrie made a HUGE mistake dumping Aidan in favor of Big?)

2. Mad Men - I have a number of friends who are really into this show. I'm not there yet. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm coming into things midway through Season two, but it hasn't hooked me like USoT.

3. Damages - I watched the season two finale. It took a bit of getting into, but Glenn Close is exceptionally watchable.

4. The Real Housewives of New York - I know a lot of people count this as a guilty pleasure. I won't be one of them.

5. What Not to Wear - Speaking of guilty pleasures, I can totally understand why this show has a cult following. I wouldn't put it on the DVR schedule, but if it were on while I was flipping through the channels, I'd watch it.

6. The Tudors - I saw season one of this slightly different take on the life and loves of Henry the VIII. I missed season two which chronicled the rise, fall and death of Anne Boleyn--but that's the story that's most been told. It's still very watchable--mostly for the eye candy of set design and costumes. Gorgeous!

7. Cupid - This is network, but I had to catch this updated version of a show that definitely deserved a second chance. The original Cupid starred fast-talking Jeremy Piven and series-killer Paula Marshall. The reboot stars a doltish Bobby Cannavale and series-killer Sarah Paulson. I doubt this one will last even as long as the original and I'm sure I won't be as sorry to see it go.

The End of the Streak

When I started this blog, I made a commitment to post something, anything everyday. And I've been able to keep that up even with a demanding full-time job. I would have loved to continue that streak--even as bone-tired and brain dead as I've been with the move this weekend. Unfortunately, my Verizon wireless broadband is useless to me right now as my new apartment doesn't have a working phone jack.

Let's hope that situation gets corrected posthaste...

Adventures in Moving

My day yesterday:

Two hours wasted with Verizon. I could go on and on about that nightmare, but I've already lost two hours of my life to these idiots...

Everything set up with the Gas Company, DWP, SoCal Edison plus change of address for my Nordstrom VISA and Rolling Stone magazine. Took less than the two hours wasted on Verizon.

Checked with the cleaners down the street about cleaning my area rug. It will only cost $60, but it will take two weeks and they don't pick up or deliver. Too bad no-one was around to video me as I rolled up my 8 x 11 foot rug, slung it across my shoulder, navigated a flight of stairs and tried to shove it into a Mazda Protege. It would have made a great YouTube video. Standing up with a 100 lbs. of carpet and nearly tipping over--we're talking cartoon comedy...

Constructed my tool shed. It was fairly simple--no screwdrivers necessary. I nearly took off a finger as I somehow managed to get in pinched in between the door. As I'm standing there, in excruciating pain, I'm wondering how the @#$% I'm gonna get my finger extracted. I managed to pull it free. It was mashed up and swollen, but it's fine now.

Also constructed two sets of shelves and bought a third set from someone off Craigslist to shove between my stove and refrigerator for more storage space in the kitchen.

For the brief bit of time I was over at my new place, I noted that it's not quite the peaceful retreat I hoped it would be.

Sigh.

Hopefully I'll be able to at least a decent night's sleep each night.

Is that too much to ask?

Looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and not dealing with moving again until Saturday.

Memos to Morons - part nine

TO: The Idiot Standing by the Stoplight Waiting to Cross the Street

RE: The Walk Button

See the yellow button right above your fat ass as you lean against the stoplight pole while chatting on your cell phone? You need to push that to get the walk signal. Not pushing it means when the light turns green, we'll still have the red hand instead of the white walk man.

As long as you're right THERE next to it, push the damn thing. That's what they're there for!

Oscar Ho-hum

Everyone is all abuzz about the impending Academy Awards which will happen mere hours from now. The Washington Post has no less than a dozen stories dedicated to the event including from Ann Hornaday on what makes a performance "Oscar-worthy", Monica Hesse musing on Gender's Role in the Best Acting categories, Dan Zak's plea to the victor's to keep acceptance speeches short and sweet and finally Celebritologist Liz Kelly's Oscar Bingo to help make the interminably long show a bit more bearable.

Me, I'm already bored with the whole thing. Except for Brad Pitt's Best Actor nomination, the inclusion of Forrest Gump rip-off The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in the Best Picture category and any other picture other than WALL*E vying for Best Animated Feature, all the nominees are deserving of the honor.

Danny Boyle's already received his award from the DGA, so he's a shoo-in for Best Director. Sean Penn and Heath Ledger already won SAG awards, so it would seem that the Best Actor and Supporting Actor awards are a given. The only toss-up will be Best Actress between Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet who both won the SAG version. This also leaves the Best Supporting Actress field open.

Among other forgone conclusions: some idiot on the red carpet will ask a celebrity a completely inane question, some starlet will wear some hideous haute couture, someone will cry, someone will drone on and on and on and the show will last for 900 hours.

There's an Everybody Loves Raymond re-run on tonight. Maybe I'll watch that...

25 Things that Irk Me

Mariama tagged me again via Facebook challenging me to reveal 25 Random things about me.

Hmmm...

Thanks to Mariama, I've already posted Ten Things About Me and later Elisabeth challenged me to post another Six Facts.

Most recently I was tagged again and posted yet another Seven Facts about myself.

That's 23--not counting the 50 Things that Make Me Happy.

I think these lists are getting a bit out of hand.

I'm not the only one: Slate is trying to find out who started this crazy meme (Really Slate? There's nothing more pressing to research?) and
even Dan Zak of the Washington Post got caught up in the game.

Since I'm running out of random factoids about moi, I decided to post a list of things that irk me. There is no limit to the things that piss me off! (And no, Random Lists isn't one of them...)

1. hypocrites
2. slamming doors
3. slow people (as in walking, not thinking)
4. people who endanger my physical well-being by not yielding the right-of-way while I'm crossing the street and WAVE at me while doing it
5. SUV drivers who park in compact spaces
6. It's instead of its
7. cheap people
8. child-safety caps
9. dust
10. That irritating bitch who is the voice of the phone trees for Verizon and Blue Cross
11. thoughtless people
12. Meredith Grey
13. Cliques
14. valet parking
15. Sit 'n Sleep commercials
16. not having enough time to read
17. wind
18. selfish people
19. people who honk in traffic jams
20. people who honk instead of getting off their ass and going to the door and knocking
21. people who honk instead of using their cellphone to announce they've arrived
22. leaf blowers
23. car alarms
24. mean people
25. the fact I'm easily irked

Movies I'm Just Not That Into

January is traditionally Death Valley as far as movie releases goes. Witness the success of Paul Blart: Mall Cop and you know just what I mean. Hopefully, we won't have to wait until summer blockbuster season before a decent movie hits the theaters, but I've already compiled a list of upcoming releases I have no desire seeing:

1. He's Just Not That Into You - Despite the star-studded cast featuring the moppy-haired Mac guy, no good can come of adapting a snarky, misogynistic "self-help" book. Unless this gets rave reviews (and I highly doubt it), I'm just not that into He's Just Not That Into You.

2. The Pink Panther II - 'Cuz the previous Steve Martin version was such a huge success...

3. Push - Pass.

4. Fired Up - The posters for this emphasize the "F" and the "U." My thoughts exactly!

5. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail - Given the fact that Perry's entire career seems to revolve around his penchant for travestitism, I'm guessing Madea gets out of jail in time for the next installment of this tired franchise.

And movies I AM looking forward to:

1. Sunshine Cleaning - This movie shares more than part of its name with another indie sleeper hit, Little Miss Sunshine, it shares producers and star Alan Arkin. I loved LMS and Amy Adams has been uniformly great in everything I've seen her do--plus there's Emily Blunt to boot!

2. Duplicity - Tony Gilroy wrote and directed one of the smartest movies of 2007 (Michael Clayton) and this time around he has Julia Roberts and Clive Owens recreating the chemistry they had in Closer--albeit with more sizzle and sass. I'm hoping it's as much fun as the trailer makes it look.

3. Fast & Furious - After two sucky sequels--and some sagging careers, the franchise reboots with the original cast (Gotta love the tagline: "New model. Original parts."). I thought the first one was a helluva fun ride. Here's hoping the manage to recapture that magic...

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I had planned on seeing Will Smith's Seven Pounds today. But time constraints ruled that out and I ended up seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I wasn't really up for it, but I figured if Hollie liked it, it must be okay.

And frankly, it was everything I expected it to be. Not bad. Not great. Basically a rehash of Forrest Gump.

Take one simple naif, southern setting, voiceover narrative, strong mother figure, improbably romantic interest, odd characters met along the way, impressive use of CGI--well, if you've seen Forrest Gump, you've seen Benjamin Button.

The only twist on the story is that Benjamin Button ages backwards. It's an interesting wrinkle (no pun intended) -- but it amounts to nothing in the story. At first I thought it might be the illumination of the adage that "youth is wasted on the young." But whether Benjamin is a seven year-old in a seventy year-old body, or sixty year-old in the body of a twenty year-old, he remains the same throughout. Despite his travels and the many different people he encounters along the way, he is still a cipher.

Blank slate. Tabla rasa. Devoid of presence and personality.

With the opening anecdote about clockmaker Mr. Gateau and his clock that ran backwards--along with the numerous images of clocks throughout the film--perhaps Benjamin Button is a demonstration of the artifice of time. While of course we experience the cycles and rhythms of day and night and the changing of the seasons, the seconds, minutes and hours that our lives are broken into are a man-made constraint.

No matter what the thematic purpose of the film may have been, I was left scratching my head as to what it all meant. All 2 hours and 40 minutes of it! While beautiful to watch, the pace did drag at times and I'm sure at least 30-40 minutes could have been cut without any great loss to the story. There wasn't much of a story per se: Benjamin is born old, abandoned to be raised by the nurturing Queenie (a terrific Taraji P. Henson), grows younger, goes to sea, goes to war, comes back home, reunites with Daisy, leaves Daisy, regresses to childhood and infancy and dies.

Blah, blah, blah. The end.

Blanchett and Pitt are gorgeous to watch and there are some great supporting performances. In addition to Henson--who was a marvel in Hustle and Flow and a force of nature in Talk to Me--Tilda Swinton makes an appearance as one of Benjamin's lovers, Elle Fanning plays the young version of Daisy and Mahershalalhashbaz Ali plays Queenie's husband, Tizzy. (I spent hours trying to figure out where I knew him from. Finally it hit me--Richard Tyler from The 4400!)

If you loved Forrest Gump (I didn't) and you love Brad Pitt, then this is definitely the movie for you. But if you want to see something more unique, with more emotional resonance, skip this pretty but empty time waster and go see Slumdog Millionaire instead.

Not Quite So Flexible

As we speed headlong into 2009, I find myself in a tizzy over unfinished business from 2008.

Namely, my flexible spending account.

I've never had one of these before, but I figured with my monthly prescription co-pays and regular lab tests and check-ups it would be a great way to put aside some tax-free funds for medical expenses.

The FSA can also cover OTC meds like pain reliever or cough drops as well as my contact lens cleaner and solution. What's not to like?

I did a pretty conservative estimate of my monthly expenses, but come end of December I found I was over $150 short of spending my funding.

Not good.

One problem was that I estimated my monthly prescriptions (which could cost about $100/month), but I didn't realize I had a $150 brand name prescription deductible. When I found that out in mid-November, I figured I could wait out the calendar year and just meet the deductible in 2009. No sense in paying the $150 in November then again in January, right?

Unfortunately, I also didn't figure on the lab work I got done in November STILL not being billed or my dental appointment that I squeaked in days before the end of the year being covered 100% with no co-pay.

Drats!

So, with a week or so left in the year I had two options: get my prescriptions refilled or lose my money.

To do that, I had to overcome two obstacles. One, getting one of my prescriptions credited toward my deductible and two, getting two other prescriptions pre-authorized by my insurance.

I called the pharmacy division of my insurance about both issues. They said my doctor had never submitted a pre-authorization request and they offered to fax the form to her office. This was over a week ago. Then they checked my prescription that hadn't been credited to my deductible and said that I needed to get the pharmacy to re-process it.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up another prescription and asked them to re-submit the claim for the uncredited prescription.

They had no idea how to do that.

Meanwhile, my doctor's office STILL hadn't put through the pre-authorization. I called yesterday and asked them to call the 800 number where they would complete the process while the doctor was on the phone.

Meanwhile, I had given the number of the pharmacy division to my pharmacist and he managed to get my other prescription credited to my deductible. So that makes over $40 applied with less than $110 to go.

No problem.

Unfortunately, there was still no pre-authorization from my doctor's office. I called AGAIN and BEGGED them to call the 800 number. The confused front desk person said they'd already faxed the prescriptions to my pharmacy.

Yes, I said. But they can't FILL the prescriptions without the pre-authorization and for that you need to call the pharmacy division of my insurance!

Now I have the someone from my doctor's office calling me to ask me why I need the Humalog pens and pen needles, how often I use it, etc. I explain it's more portable and easier to use and when you have to inject yourself with insulin 3-5 times a day, anything that makes the process EASIER is a good thing. The doctor's office called back to say they should get a fax as to whether or not the pre-authorization was approved within a half an hour and they'd call to let me know.

They didn't so I called the pharmacy division at 2 pm to see if the pre-authorization had gone through. It had.

Whew!

Then I went to my pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I had the pharmacy assistant run each through in order that the deductible be met with the minimum amount possible. The syringes were $26. The Lantus $86.

That totals $112 and I only need $110. Bingo! This means the pen needles, Humalog pens and One Touch test strips each get filled at the $25 co-pay.

The only problem: the Lantus isn't in stock. Which means my grand total comes to $101. I'm $88 short and there are only 7 hours left in 2008.

I file my claims online to make sure my math is right. I find another $22 spent at drugstore.com that's eligible. And I have a little over $20 in receipts yet to come. (I have until March to complete the claims submission--but the costs need to be incurred by 12/31!)

With the $20, I'm still $46 short. That's $46 of my money that I lose out on. No way that's happening!

I get an idea. I could use a new glucose meter (mine's looking a little battered). They run about $60-80--but they usually come with rebates that make them FREE. Buy a new meter, submit the receipt for reimbursement, meet my FSA requirements and then get the rebate check!

I know--GENIUS!

Although if I could bill the FSA for the time it took to deal with my doctor's office, the pharmacy and my insurance, I'd have had no problem at all reaching that goal!

When Hotties turn into Fatties

I got pinged by someone regarding my comment about Val Kilmer's weight gain. Apparently a reader took issue with the snarky remark which wasn't meant to belittle his acting talents. I loved him in Willow and more recently he was intriguing in the underrated Spartan (no, he's not wearing a loincloth...). But Val seems to have taken the Nora Desmond line, "I am big. It's the pictures that got small!" a little too literally.













But Val isn't the only hottie turned fatty: there are a number of former Hollywood Sex Symbols that instead of being Speedo models look more like Cheetos models. In the interest of critical equity, I thought I'd spread the snark around.

Sometimes the addition of a few pounds adds gravitas to an actor's performance (think Marlon Brando). Sometimes the addition of weight does nothing to mar the star quality (think Elvis), but more often those few (or forty) extra pounds make one long wistfully for the slimmer, hotter version of the celebrity in question.

For what it's worth, I'm a size four and weigh within ten pounds or less of what I weighed in high school. And I'm not the only one who's avoided the addition of pounds with the addition of years: Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, the late great Paul Newman, Kiefer Sutherland and many others have remained fit.

So this is not a situation of the pot calling the kettle black--just the blogger calling the actor fat:













Travolta was all the rage in a three-piece white suit for Saturday Night Fever, but judging by the picture on the right it doesn't look like he needed a fat suit to play Edna Turnblad in Hairspray.













William Shatner has spent his whole career trying to escape from the shadow of Captain Kirk. Now that his bloated body no longer resembles the lithe, lean James T. Kirk, he's definitely succeeded.













Once upon a time--and not so long ago--James Spader WAS Sex, Lies and Videotape. Now, while he's not taking acting lessons from his Boston Legal co-star, it certainly looks like he's taken EATING lessons from him.













Alec Baldwin's never been better--or funnier--as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. He's also never been bigger. And I don't mean that in the good way...













Russell Crowe may not be ready to play an overweight drag queen--yet! But if he doesn't lay off the donuts, he'll be taking up residence in Brando-ville soon.













John Cusack couldn't stay Lloyd Dobler forever, but Lloyd Double-chin is not an improvement.

We've watched Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertinelli take off the pounds. Maybe it's time for a Jenny Craig-style intervention for our former male hotties...

Netflix Quick Picks - Round Eleven

It's been a while since round ten. My new job keeps me so busy I have little time for movies! But with TV going on holiday hiatus, it's time to catch up with the rentals...

1. Gangs of New York - Similar themes as The Departed with DiCaprio and Scorcese depicting deception and betrayal--only this time in 1800s New York City. If it were between this and The Departed, I'd have given Scorcese the Oscar for Gangs of New York. I'd have given Daniel Day-Lewis the Academy Award for his portrayal of Bill "the Butcher" Poole in this film over the one he was awarded for There Will Be Blood as well. Cameron Diaz was the only weak link, although much improved over her last period foray in From Hell. I say RENT IT!

2. Everything is Illuminated - Directed by Liev Schreiber, Elijah Wood stars Jonathan Froer, a Jewish collector of memorabilia and personal artifacts who seeks the woman who saved his grandfather when the Ukraine was invaded by the Nazis. But the real star of the film is Eugene Hutz who plays Froer's translator Alex. With his stilted broken English and Tony Manero-esque mannerisms, Alex could have ended up being an over-the-top caricature but Hutz infuses him with so much humor and humanity that you can't help but adore him. Rent it!

3. Eagle vs. Shark - This quirky New Zealand romantic comedy stars Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame. Unfortunately that's not enough to recommend it. Loren Holsey is lovely as the lovestruck Lily, but the film tries too hard to be offbeat and weird and meanders aimlessly in search of a story. Skip it.

4. A Good Woman - Is a bad movie. Helen Hunt is bad. Scarlett Johansson is bad. The life and lilt of this tale based on an Oscar Wilde play is completely sucked out of the story. With the exception of Tom Wilkinson who is completely charming as the winning and winsome Tuppy, this is a bland and banal costume drama devoid of any character. Skip it.

5. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - Stellar cast (Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Marisa Tomei, Albert Finney) directed by the legendary Sidney Lumet. It's a downer of a story filled with unlikable characters doing unspeakable things. If you like dark and downbeat, go for it.

But don't say I didn't warn ya...

6. The King of Comedy - Basically this is Taxi Driver all over again. Maybe a bit lighter and more satirical... Robert De Niro plays aspiring comic Travis Bickle (I mean Rupert Pupkin...) who is obsessed with Jodie Foster (make that Jerry Lewis) and tangentially involved with an icy blonde (Shelley Hack standing in for Cybill Shepherd in this case...). Same talking to self in the mirror scenes, same delusions of grandeur. It's a good movie--I'd just already seen it all before...

7. The Iron Giant - Although the film features Vin Diesel voicing the title characer, his trademark gravelly growl is synthesized to render it unrecognizable. Still, it's a clever little morality tale that's worth a look. Rent it.

8. Hard Eight - This early Paul Thomas Anderson film showcases the themes and characters that would come to be staple signatures in future films. Including Philip Baker Hall and Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly and Samuel L. Jackson (what is it with the three names or two plus middle initial anyway?!!!) who would pop up again and again in later works. It's a great character study, but I felt like the delivery was a bit flat. Philip Baker Hall is a charismatic enigma, but overall stretched too thin to hold the story together. Skip it.