Saturday, December 27, 2008

When Hotties turn into Fatties

I got pinged by someone regarding my comment about Val Kilmer's weight gain. Apparently a reader took issue with the snarky remark which wasn't meant to belittle his acting talents. I loved him in Willow and more recently he was intriguing in the underrated Spartan (no, he's not wearing a loincloth...). But Val seems to have taken the Nora Desmond line, "I am big. It's the pictures that got small!" a little too literally.

But Val isn't the only hottie turned fatty: there are a number of former Hollywood Sex Symbols that instead of being Speedo models look more like Cheetos models. In the interest of critical equity, I thought I'd spread the snark around.

Sometimes the addition of a few pounds adds gravitas to an actor's performance (think Marlon Brando). Sometimes the addition of weight does nothing to mar the star quality (think Elvis), but more often those few (or forty) extra pounds make one long wistfully for the slimmer, hotter version of the celebrity in question.

For what it's worth, I'm a size four and weigh within ten pounds or less of what I weighed in high school. And I'm not the only one who's avoided the addition of pounds with the addition of years: Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, the late great Paul Newman, Kiefer Sutherland and many others have remained fit.

So this is not a situation of the pot calling the kettle black--just the blogger calling the actor fat:

Travolta was all the rage in a three-piece white suit for Saturday Night Fever, but judging by the picture on the right it doesn't look like he needed a fat suit to play Edna Turnblad in Hairspray.

William Shatner has spent his whole career trying to escape from the shadow of Captain Kirk. Now that his bloated body no longer resembles the lithe, lean James T. Kirk, he's definitely succeeded.

Once upon a time--and not so long ago--James Spader WAS Sex, Lies and Videotape. Now, while he's not taking acting lessons from his Boston Legal co-star, it certainly looks like he's taken EATING lessons from him.

Alec Baldwin's never been better--or funnier--as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. He's also never been bigger. And I don't mean that in the good way...

Russell Crowe may not be ready to play an overweight drag queen--yet! But if he doesn't lay off the donuts, he'll be taking up residence in Brando-ville soon.

John Cusack couldn't stay Lloyd Dobler forever, but Lloyd Double-chin is not an improvement.

We've watched Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertinelli take off the pounds. Maybe it's time for a Jenny Craig-style intervention for our former male hotties...

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