Sunday, May 25, 2008

Keyword Redux

Determined that no keyword search should lead to a dead end...


1. Who plays Billie, Earl's wife on The Hickeys?

That would be Alyssa Milano, formerly of Who's the Boss? and Charmed.

2. Who played the doctor on My Name is Earl?

Ravi Kapoor played the hysterical, "I'm Indian. We're the new Jews..." doctor on the episode I Won't Die with a Little Help from my Friends.

3. Who played the pretty redhead on last night's episode?

That would be the character of Greta, the Camdenite. And I can't find the actress' name ANYWHERE! (Dammit people--update your IMDB pages!)

4. What is shaving a kangaroo?

A reference to the No Heads and a Duffel Bag episode--I'm pretty sure it was just meant to be funny. Like herding cats, only stupider...

5. The Office landlady actress?

Pam's landlady Margaret who was ignominiously sacrificed to Michael as possible dating material (Michael dismissed her as lacking "Crawfordness") was played by Brooke Dillman. There's an excellent interview with B. J. Novak (aka "Ryan") who wrote the episode over at OfficeTally.

6. On Desperate Housewives, whose grave did Katherine go to?

Apparently, it was the secret grave of the REAL Dylan, who was accidentally killed as a young child when a bookshelf toppled over onto her.

7. What did Aunt Lilly's note say on Desperate Housewives?

Well, the parts that the substitute Dylan found said something about "mother" "murder" "father." Given what happened in the finale, it appears that Aunt Lilly was trying to tell Dylan that she was the stand-in for Katherine and Wayne's biological daughter, because if Dylan's FATHER ever found out about the real Dylan's death, he would MURDER her MOTHER.

Anyway, that's my guess...

8. Christina having Bradford's baby, is it Wilhelmina's egg?

Yes. On Ugly Betty, Christina is the paid surrogate--providing a non-hostile womb to carry the egg that Wilhelmina provided that was fertilized with sperm from the deceased Bradford. Oh god, I just used the word "sperm" on my blog--watch out for hits from the pervert contingent!!!

9. Matthew Abbadon is a threat to Alpert?

Hmmm--good point! They both seemed to be competing for Locke in the LOST Cabin Fever episode. Abbadon works for Widmore, while Alpert is associated with Ben and Jacob. They seem to be playing on opposite teams, therefore not only would Abbadon be a threat to Alpert--but vice versa as well...

10. Benjamin Linus harmless?

Haha! Surely you jest! Benjamin Linus might ultimately turn out to be one of "the good guys" as he insists he is, but he is anything but harmless. Manipulative, devious, cold-blooded, possessive, obsessive. Yeah, not harmless. One of my favorite assessments of Ben came from Jimmy Kimmel while interviewing producer/writers Cuse and Lindelof when he pointed out that "Linus" sounds like "lying to us." I think you hit the nail on the head, Jimmy!

11. Erica Kane histrionic?

The long-running All My Children diva histrionic? Well, duh! Soap opera character = melodramatic. Next question!

12. Like the sands of time soap opera?

That would be Days of Our Lives which use to open with MacDonald Carey's voice intoning, "Like sands through the are the days of our lives!"

13. Actor who played Marco Dane on One Life to Live?

That would be Gerald Anthony who also played good twin Mario Corelli--except he wasn't really Mario but Marco PRETENDING to be Mario.


1. What do the closing credits say on The Bank Job?

"...the names have been changed to protect the guilty."

2. Closing song in Juno?

Michael Cera and Ellen Page's cover of The Moldy Peaches Anyone Else but You.

3. How much money did Under the Same Moon earn?

According to Box Office Mojo, as of May 22nd the film has earned about $12.4 million dollars. Iron Man made more than that in one Saturday almost three weeks after its initial release...

4. Average screenplay salary?

There aren't really "salaries" for a screenplay. There are options, sales or assignments. And there's no such thing as "average" for options or sales--they can be as little as a dollar or some deferred amount or multiple millions. The WGA Minimum Basic Agreement gives the contracted rates that MBA member producers must pay Guild writers, if that helps at all...

Misc. and Random:

1. Why do we sweat in the gym?

Well, if you're like me you go to the gym to workout. Working out raises your body temperature. Sweat is the body's way of cooling itself.

2. Can I bring a robe to the gym?

Speaking from personal experience--Please, please, please bring a robe to the gym! As I've mentioned previously, there's good naked and bad naked--and most of us fall into the latter category. Spare your fellow gym rats from exposing our tender eyeballs to bad naked--and if you happen to fall into the former category, spare us anyway. Like we need to see you parading your perfectness in our face!

3. Multiple searches on "my blood sugar is 313," "blood sugar 575" and "what to do if sugar level hits 600"?

What to do? Get thee to a doctor! If you're already under a doctor's care, get a hold of him or her! Elevated glucose levels are very dangerous. Insulin, in appropriate dosages, can bring blood sugar levels down, but I've also found that gentle exercise--like a nice long walk--can also help in that regard. But you really need guidance from a doctor IMMEDIATELY!

4. Can you find out who is reading posts on Craigslist?

In a word, no. But if you work on the technical side of Craigslist, and have statistical software installed, you can track IP addresses and ultimately trace the person surfing the 'net from that address. Or you can check browser history to see a list of the URLs that have been browsed in the last 30 days if you're trying to catch your boyfriend reading the Casual Encounters section.

But otherwise, no.

5. Countering the pit maneuver?

Are you any relation to the guy who wanted to blackmail a drug dealer?

Best way to avoid the pit maneuver? Don't get yourself involved in a high-speed police chase!

6. Ideas for pothead clothing company?

Cannabis Clothes? Ganja Garments? Weed Wear?

7. Pay to have sex with a Superhero?

Would a hooker wearing a cape suffice?

And finally,

8. Adam is above average blog

Ah, yes. Adam may be above average, but Stella's blog is WELL above average.

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