Pushing Daisies - Oh Oh Oh...It's Magic

My only quibble with last night's episode of Pushing Daisies is that they didn't find a way to work the Pilot song it was named after into the show.

Reunited with his two half-brothers, Ned is reluctant to be play the role of big brother--or as he puts it, "Big HALF brother...once removed by the fact that until last week you didn't know I existed."

Somehow Maurice and Ralston cajole Ned and company to see a magic show featuring their mentor and surrogate father, The Great Herrmann (played with panache by the great Fred Willard). Herrmann welcomes Ned warmly, he rebuffs Olive's embrace saying, "I'm not made of hugs."

Herrmann's warm-up act is the Geek, who eats and regurgitates a variety of items. "I'm working my way up to a kitten." Herrmann's big act is called "Cementia," where he escapes from a block of solid concrete. Except for the time he doesn't.

At first it looks like Herrmann has pulled off a disappearing act similar to the one Ned and the twin's father pulled years earlier. But as it turns out, someone switched the cement blocks to make it look like a disappearing trick.

The killer turns out to be none other than the Geek--who swallowed Herrmann's magic magnets which were what enabled him to escape from the box. The Geek uses Olive as a human shield as Emerson points his gun at him. The Geek tells him that he has a gun, too. In his stomach. "I'm cocking it with my stomach muscles right now. When it flies out of my mouth it's going to shoot you in the face!"

The experience leads Ned to perform a little magic of his own for Chuck. Rigging Olive up with an hidden earpiece and microphone, he gives Chuck the chance to ask her mother Lily all the questions she's always wanted to know via Olive. It was a really touching scene.

But while Chuck was delving into the past she never knew, Dwight Dixon was digging up her grave. And finding an empty coffin.

The Singing Revolution

Gandhi led India to independence through non-violent civil disobedience, Martin Luther King inspired others with the passionate words, "I have a dream...," a lone rebel faces down a tank in Tiananmen Square and the nation of Estonia overthrows 50 years of Soviet rule through the power of song.

The Singing Revolution tells the story of the Estonian struggle to maintain hope and solidarity through years of foreign occupation. That hope came in the form the Song Festival, “Laulupidu”, founded in 1869. In 1969, 30,000 singers took the stage to sing one exceptional song—“Land of My Fathers, Land that I Love” with lyrics from a well-known 100 year-old Estonian poem.

This simple act energized the freedom movement--a quiet revolution that joined thousands of voices with the power of song.

The powerful documentary The Singing Revolution is now available in a 3 disc DVD set Collector's Edition. The set includes:

• "The Singing Revolution" film

• Over four hours of additional interview outtakes, categorized by subject for easy review.

• The 32-page Instructor's Guide with additional background, suggested curricula, instructor questions, and full index of additional materials.

• Filmmakers’ commentary

• 15 maps of Europe from 180 A.D. until 1997 that interactively illustrate Estonia's history.

• 7 newsreel stories from the 1930s - 1950s

• Stalinist propaganda film clip

• Estonian history timelines

• 30 printable historical documents (totaling over 150 pages)

• Interview with filmmakers

• Production stills and other images from the film

Also available is 178 page hardcover book. Based on the film, the companion piece written by noted National Geographic author Priit Vesilind along with filmmakers James and Maureen Tusty includes more than 150 photographs.

Heroes - It's Coming

Looks like the "meet cute" between Elle and Sylar last week WAS to set-up a potential romance. They sure did bond while locked together in that cell at Pinehurst. Arthur throws the two together after telling Sylar that his hunger is for power, not murder. And that he can take any power he wants without killing, via empathy.

Well, we know that is Peter's gift--turns out it's Sylar's as well. Arthur, on the other hand, certainly doesn't seem like the warm and fuzzy empathetic type.

He certainly wasn't empathetic while wiping Hiro's mind. Ando lunges at Arthur to save his friend, but is halted in mid-air. Arthur is distracted by the newly beheaded tribal guy's painting of an eclipse. Ando manages to crawl to Hiro and tells him to teleport them out of there. Hiro, mind wiped clean, has no idea what Ando is talking about. Ando physically squeezes Hiro's eyes shut to make him blink so the two can be teleported to safety.

(So Hiro's power is like I Dream of Jeannie now? How lame is that?)

Hiro thinks he's ten--which isn't surprising since he mostly acts like he's ten. Ando has to explain to him about his teleportation ability and how to do the Jeannie blink thingy. "You have to try harder! Make your cheeks wobble!" implores Ando.

Hiro teleports the two to a comic book store where they find the comic book of Hiro's adventures. Turning the pages, they come across a picture of an eclipse--just like the tribal guy's painting. The caption under the picture: "It's Coming..."

Mohinder works to get the formula to work properly--but he can't create powers without a corresponding adverse reaction. He notes that our current crop of heroes had their power manifest during the eclipse. Arthur tells Mohinder that the formula is missing a catalyst. When Mohinder asks what the catalyst is, Arthur tells him it isn't something but someONE.

Nathan comes face-to-face with dearly departed Daddy who tells him that he is his favorite. But Nathan isn't up for being manipulated--by Arthur anyway. Tracy strikes a deal with Arthur to get Nathan to come over to Arthur's side. But who is she playing--Nathan or Arthur?

More romantic sparks (although not the electrical kind) flying between Matt and Daphne. At Primatech, Matt runs into the tribal guy--with head intact. Then he and Daphne stumble upon the catatonic Angela. Matt uses his "brain mojo thingy" to enter Angela's mind and free her. He comes up against Arthur inside Angela's mind, but Daphne manages to intercede by telling Matt she cares about him.

Awww!

Matt and Angela escape Arthur's grip--and then Peter and Claire show up. Angela explains that Arthur had retrieve both halves of the formula--but he's missing the third piece. The catalyst resides in the blood of a human host. Claire recalls how Sylar said she was different from the others--special--when he opened her brain.

She realizes SHE is the catalyst.

Eeeewww!

No less than 16 people have come across my blog today using the search "mark cuban shirtless."

What is WRONG with you people?

I could understand Daniel Craig shirtless or maybe Michael Phelps shirtless.

I know this can't be ALL Elisabeth...

Frankly, I'm baffled...

Mark Cuban? Shirtless? Really?

P.S. If you're out there Mr. Cuban, looks like I will be needing that picture of you shirtless--if the offer's still open...

Desperate Housewives - City on Fire

Well, it wasn't the whole CITY on fire in last night's episode of Desperate Housewives--just Warren Schilling's nightclub where the Battle of the Bands is being held. If you were expecting a tornado-level episode, not doubt you were disappointed. But some of the storylines got pushed along--and we got a brief appearance from Bob and Lee to boot!

Julie comes back to Wisteria Lane for a visit with her new boyfriend. Or more accurately OLD boyfriend. Played by Steven Weber (who could leave crumbs in my bed anytime!), the age difference between thrice-married and divorced Lloyd gives Susan pause. She has conniptions when Lloyd reveals to her that he plans to surprise Julie with an engagement ring.

Susan's lame attempts to thwart Lloyd's plan are unsuccessful--but it turns out Julie has no intention of marrying Lloyd. Or anyone. Ever. Susan's disastrous love life has turned Julie off to the idea of marriage forever. Susan has a heart-to-heart talk with her daughter about her own reversal in remaining open to romance and happily-ever-after.

Lloyd wasn't the only visitor to Wisteria Lane in last night's episode: Sandra, an investigative reporter shows up to interview Bree about her cookbook. Bree manages to maintain the illusion of perfection--until Orson's parole officer calls and leaves a message on the answering machine. "Now can I be gay?" Andrew asks Bree.

Then the muckraker starts digging up the dirt: Bree's alcoholism, Orson's attempt to kill Mike, Bree's first husband (remember Rex?) affinity for S&M hookers. Sandra is all set to expose Bree's massive imperfections--until an impassioned plea from Bree that her cookbook is not her attempt to lord it over the masses, but rather a way to give woman SOMETHING they can get right gives her another angle for her article.

In the "unwelcome visitors" category would be the return of Virginia Hildebrand. After including making the Solis' her sole heir, the psycho heiress insinuates her way into their lives again. She also wrangles an invitation to the Battle of the Bands when she shows up to pick Gaby in a limo. Gaby sucks it up for the sake of the future millions--but she balks when Virginia insists on sending the girls to private school. Gaby tells Virginia just what she can do with her money.

Who would have thought materialistic Gaby would walk away from millions?

Also making an unwelcome visit was Lynette to see Porter's paramour, Anne Schilling. After Porter's twin Preston alerts Lynette to the fact that Anne is pregnant and planning to run away with Porter, Lynette confronts the cougar. Unfortunately, her accusations are overheard by Warren Schilling who asks her to leave so he can have a word alone with his wife. Anne begs Lynette not to leave and she is torn.

Before she reaches her car, she turns back and discovers Warren kicking the $@#% out of Anne. She starts throwing candlesticks at him and threatening to call the police. Schilling stops beating his wife, but is less than scared by the threat of law enforcement given that Anne is guilty of statutory rape.

Porter confronts Lynette at the hospital and then runs off to deal with Warren Schilling. Lynette chases after him and catches up with him at the club where he's fighting with Warren. Lynette intercedes, telling Warren: "Hitting women and children...you must be so proud." Porter threatens to kill Warren before being hustled off by Lynette. He stomps off--but later returns with a gun.

But the most unwelcome visitor of all--at least as far as Dave Williams is concerned--would be Dr. Heller who shows up on Wisteria Lane just as Karen McCluskey and sister Roberta are discussing going to Boston to track him down and get more info on Dave. Heller runs into Edie, who unwittingly invites him to the Battle of the Bands event.

Heller shows up at the club and confronts "Dave"--who apparently is using an alias (no doubt the writers figured out that Mike might recognize the name as being the same as the guy he killed in self-defense in prison). Dave sweet talks the doctor into letting him play the gig, but when Heller sees the band line-up includes Mike Delfino he insists on talking to Mike.

Dave gets the doctor alone in a storage room and strangles him and then using alcohol as starter fluid, sets the room on fire to cover up the murder. He also locks Jackson in the men's room since he saw Dave leaving the storage room. As Blue Odyssey (who follow the band "Cold Splash" aka Tokyo Police Club) performs Mustang Sally, Edie notices flames and screams fire. There is a rush to the door--which had been locked by Warren Schilling to keep Porter and Lynette from re-entering.

Dave throws a chair through the window and starts helping people out. Tom helps Carlos, Gaby assists Virgina. Jackson, who was locked in the men's room, does busts a window and escapes as well. Susan, not seeing Jackson, freaks out ('cuz that's what she does best!) and Mike runs back into the club to save him. Then Jackson shows up safe and sound, and Dave runs into the club and rescues Mike.

Since Dave's plan was to harm Mike, why would he go back and carry him out? He leans over and whispers to the unconscious Mike as he lays on the stretcher: "Hang in there. I'm not done with you yet."

Apparently no-one ever doubts a hero. Although I'm sure Karen McCluskey would disagree.

Memos to Morons - part eight

TO: Los Angeles Landlords

RE: Posting on Craigslist

Please note that using the word "homely" to describe your rental means something completely different than what you were aiming for.

Look it up.

I believe the word you are searching for is "homey"--which, despite being only one letter different from "homely," means almost the exact opposite.

Synecdoche, New York

I've been fascinated by the twisted and brilliant mind of Charlie Kaufman ever since I saw Being John Malkovich. To be sure, Kaufman is not for everyone and even though I appreciate his offbeat and unique sensibilities, I am often bewildered and baffled by his movies.

Synecdoche, New York is no exception.

In fact, in the conglomeration of Kaufman films (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Synecdoche, New York stands head and shoulders above the rest in its weirdness, oddity and eccentricity.

It makes Being John Malkovich look like Sesame Street.

Like many Kaufman tales, Synecdoche, New York features a self-reflective to the point of self-absorption hero who is muddled and befuddled and struggling to find meaning in this strange ride we call life.

Philip Seymour Hoffman does his usual terrific job as Caden Cotard, a theater director whose mid-life crisis is characterized by an obsession with bodily functions along with regret, self-loathing and a fear of aging that manifests in a series of odd physical ailments and mental frailities.

After Cotard's wife takes his daughter and abandons him, he is gifted with the opportunity to do something important with his life in the form of a grant funding a creative endeavor. Cotard decides to create a piece of theater that is blatantly and brazenly truthful and real and over the course of 40 or so years, the project grows and morphs and stumbles and sputters--much like life itself.

Cotard's play, like Kaufman's film about it, is like life--with art imitating life and life imitating art. The play--and the film--is a celebration (if one can use that word for the excruiating process) of the awkward and mundane, the grotesquely scatalogical, the profound and the profane. The fleeting moments of joy offset by the pain of loss and grief.

Hoffman is joined by a top-notch cast of women--a veritable "who's who" of the indie film circuit:

Catherine Keener plays his faithless wife, Adele
Michelle Williams, actress and second wife Claire
Hope Davis, therapist Madeleine Gravis
Jennifer Jason Leigh, Adele's best friend Maria
Samantha Morton plays Caden's long-time friend and soulmate, Hazel
Dianne Wiest plays Millicent Weems, an actress playing the part of Ellen Bascomb
Emily Watson plays Tammy, an actress playing the part of Hazel

So you have actors playing the people in Cotard's life (including several who play Cotard himself). For all the people who find Samantha Morton and Emily Watson to be part of a group of indistinguishably interchangeable actresses, Kaufman takes advantage of this by having Watson playing an actress playing the part of Morton's character of Hazel. (It's quite a mind-fuck and had me confused...) And then on top of that, you have actors playing the actors who are playing the people in Cotard's life.

And then it gets really weird.

As the play and film and Cotard's life progresses, he becomes so tired and infirm that he cedes his directorial role to Millicent, who was playing Ellen but now takes over the part of Caden. And, along with directing the play, she also directs Caden in his performance of the role of Ellen--and his life.

Like I said, really bizarre.

I can't say that I understood everything Kaufman was trying to convey. There were some of his usual oddities (like Adele's miniature art work which requires the use of magnifying glasses to view it or Olive's full-body tattoos), metaphorical surrealism (Hazel's continuously smoldering house--perhaps a symbol for her long-held passion for Caden?) and the just downright strange like the voyeuristic Sammy who initially seems to be a character out of a David Lynch movie.

At times Kaufman--and Caden--rises out of the mire of self-absorption with a brief epiphany:

"There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people is an extra. They're all the leads of their own stories. They have to be given their due."

Or the brief moment where Caden and Hazel are able to connect intimately, exposing both their passion and their vulnerability.

But much of the film--and the play--is about the waiting and the repetition of a life marching relentlessly to its inevitable and inexorable conclusion: death. I'm not sure if Kaufman was cautioning against living in the past or the perils of a too examined life, but there did seem to be one thematic element that was readily understood: The Theatre of the Absurd is Life.

Or vice versa...

PUPPIES!!!

I'm not much of a baby person. Oh, occasionally I'll see an adorable young person, toddling along and think, "How cute!"

But more often than not, it's some whiny brat that makes me grateful for birth control.

But the way some people get over babies--cooing and ah-ing and awing, I get with puppies.

So does my sister.

Compliments of Laurie, I present the ultimate time-suck: The Shiba Inu Puppy cam.

When I first started watching, the six puppies were hudded in a mass sleeping.

I started working on a blog post.

When I returned to the browser tab with the puppy cam, they were gone! But soon they bounded back into the frame, tussling and scrapping with each other. Then they scattered off, leaving one puppy behind. With no-one to scuffle with, he (or she) started chasing his (or her) tail--catching it and biting it!

Sooooo cute!

Ah, puppies! The economy is rocky, the wildfires are raging, the war still marches on in Iraq, but a cute puppy is the cure for almost anything.

Join the Revolution!

Organics are all the rage in the beauty industry these days. It can get a bit overwhelming with all the products one can choose from.

So how about we narrow it down to just one?

Revolution Organics has an all-over body balm that claims to be "the ultimate moisturizing multi-tasker."

Packaged in compact tube, it's perfectly portable. Whether you're slipping it into your purse or tucking it into your luggage or tossing it into your gym bag, it's a handy little product for keeping your skin soft and smooth.

I like keeping it on my nightstand and rubbing a bit into my dry, flaky elbows and rough, ragged cuticles. The balm is full of luscious ingredients:

• Organic Cocoa Butter - Fortifies skins moisture barrier, high in vitamin A, B, C, & E. Penetrates deeply to push antioxidants & nutrients, calcium, potassium & iron into skin layers. Softens and lubricates skin.

• Organic Shea Butter - Superb moisturizer. Extremely high in Vitamin A which may improve many skin conditions: wrinkles, eczema, dermatitis, insect bites, sunburns etc. High in Vitamin E benefiting anti-aging, increasing micro-circulation.

• Organic Beeswax - Forms protective skin barrier without pore clogging. Hydrating properties, increases skins essential moisture retention. Thickens cosmetics naturally.

• Organic Olive Oil - Softens, stimulates & moisturizes skin. Scars are reduced, inflammation is calmed. Has regenerating power on skin tissue and is able to regulate natural moisturizing system of skin. Anti-aging properties, vitamin A & E, powerful antioxidant.

• Organic Coconut Oil - Prevents destructive free-radical formation. Deters age and sun related spots. Assists in prevention of sagging & wrinkling by strengthening skin connective tissue. Healthy glow to skin, Healing & deep moisturizing properties.

• Organic Apricot Oil - High in vitamin E C & A. Skin softening, penetrates without an oily finish. Rich in fatty acids to retain moisture and elasticity in skin.

...and it smells heavenly! Kind of fresh and citrus-y.

So I've come up with two uses for it, but you could also use it on calloused feet, as a lip balm, to smooth flyaways or even tame unruly eyebrows!

Revolution Organics products are: free of chemicals, parabens, synthetics and artificial ingredients, formulated with the highest level of organic certification, free of fillers--including water--so each product is highly concentrated, and not tested on animals .

They are also available exclusively at Beauty.com.

Ugly Betty/The Office - Tornado Girl/Business Trip

It's the first issue of Mode that Betty has responsibility for approving while Daniel and the rest attend an Editors Retreat. But right after giving the word to ship out the issue, a massive tornado strikes the heartland making Mode's "Fashion Storm" cover look heartless.

Up at the retreat, Claire gets the bright idea to yank Willie's chain by having all cellphones and PDAs confiscated so that the participants can focus on matters at hand. While Daniel's out trying to "focus," a woman tumbles out of a tree nearly knocking him over. The spunky blonde named Molly turns out to be Connor's fiancee. So while Willie is pining for Connor, Daniel develops a crush on Connor's girl.

Looks like a love quadrangle is forming here...

Since Betty cannot reach Daniel on his cellphone, she decides to track him down at the retreat. "I smell pluck!" Marc says and instantly invites himself along. Not to be left out, Amanda joins the group who take Cliff's car upstate. Betty is freaking out because time is running out to stop the issue from hitting the stands. "Easy doesy, fuzzy wuzzy!" Marc reprimands.

When Amanda finds a receipt for wedding rings in Cliff's glove compartment, Marc freaks and drives off the road, damaging Cliff's car. But the unstoppable Betty finds another way to get a message to Daniel: she hires a skywriter to write "Daniel Call Betty" in the sky.

Her celebration at adverting a PR disaster is short-lived when the offensive issue hits the newsstands despite her efforts. It's a calculated ploy by Daniel and Willie who use the controversy to sell issues. The plan backfires when Betty is blamed for the snafu, earning her the nickname of "Tornado Girl" and all the hate mail she can handle.

Daniel is conflicted about the turn of events, but Willie handles it with her usual cold-bloodedness: "Taking the blame is what the little people are for," she tells Daniel.

Betty can't even find respite from the controversy at home: Justin sports a "Tornado Girl" t-shirt explaining, "There just hasn't been a t-shirt worthy scandal since Winona had her troubles!"

Hilda's weathering a storm of her own--her beauty salon permit was denied. She and Betty confront Councilman Archie Rodriguez (aka The Karate Kid) who tells them there's nothing he can do about it. He manages to find a loophole for Hilda, however, if she sells products, she can qualify as a "boutique."

Marc pulls Betty aside to tell her, "Not all birds fly south in the winter" and other cryptic comments. He directs her to Phil on the loading dock if she wants to find out how the Mode issue ended up being shipped out. Phil tries to avoid her questions telling her, "You're like a gnat in glasses!" but finally he caves and admits that he wasn't told NOT to ship the issues, he was directed to SHIP them.

Betty confronts Daniel who apologizes for her taking the heat, but that's not good enough for Betty. He grows a pair at the press conference and takes the fall for the controversy and promises to donate all the profits from the issue to a tornado relief fund.

The Office revolved around Michael's big international business trip to Winnepeg. Canada.

He brings Andy along as a translator--and Oscar. He's especially excited about the hotel Concierge because in Canada, a Concierge is the equivalent of a geisha.

Um, yeah right...

Meanwhile, Ryan tries to flirt with an uninterested Kelly. "This looks like where I'll do my push-ups every day," he tells her. She tells him she's with Darryl, but moments later the two are locked in a passionate embrace. Ryan convinces her to text Darryl and break up. Darryl's response: "It's cool." At that, Ryan cools a bit as well. He didn't seem quite as interested when it turned out Darryl wasn't upset. But in the end he says, "I realized that for whatever reason, I just couldn't do better than Kelly."

Kelly takes this as a compliment.

While Michael hooks up with the Concierge (Hmm, maybe they ARE the equivalents of a geisha in Canada!), Andy and Oscar get drunk on Long Island Iced Teas--which apparently are much stronger in Canada. Oscar asks Andy what in the world he sees in Angela. He is shocked to find out that Andy hasn't had sex with Angela yet, and convinces him to call her. Andy's too drunk to notice that Dwight is in the background while he drunk-dials his fiancee.

The next day, he has totally forgotten that he called until Oscar reminds him. His punishment: a return to first base. "What's first base with Angela?" Oscar asks. "I get to kiss her forehead," Andy replies.

In Jim and Pam news: the writers tried to fake us out that Pam would have to stay in New York City another 3 months to make up a class she failed. Everyone in the office goes from being psyched for Jim, to commiserating with him. Of course at the end of the episode, Pam was waiting for Jim as he left the office.

Aw!

Leave it to Dwight to normalize the moment by handing her a sheaf of papers to make copy of.

Not Towering Over the Rest

I'm a big fan of all things Neal Stephenson. One would think after the nearly three THOUSAND pages that the three books of The Baroque Cycle consisted of, I would be sated for quite a while. But when I heard he had a new book out, I excitedly ordered online from Tower.com.

Big mistake.

Not the book--I'm sure it's going to be fascinating. But Tower.com has to be the most inept organization EVER!

I ordered the book on July 29th. It was an advance order since the book's publication date wasn't until September 9th.

Not a problem--I could wait.

And wait I did. Tower e-mailed me on September 5th to notify me that my book had shipped (Yay!):

Dear Valued Customer,

We wanted you to be the first to know!

Your item, Anathem (Hardcover) / Neal Stephenson (Author), has just shipped from our distribution center and is on its way to you RIGHT NOW!

Shipping Information for Domestic Orders:

Standard Shipments are expected to arrive within 8-15 business days upon shipment...

Sincerely,
Tower Customer Care Department

I waited and waited. Then I contacted Tower:

Dear Tower,

As excited as I was to hear that my order was arriving imminently, I am just as disappointed to report that after 15 days of waiting, my book has not arrived.

Any idea what might have happened? I was really looking forward to reading it...

Regards,

Stella

The reply:

Dear Stella,

Yes your order was shipped on 09/05/2008
Anathem (Hardcover) / Neal Stephenson (Author)
Standard US Postal Service.
It usually takes 8-15 business days.

Regards,

Kieran
Tower Customer Service

After waiting some more:

It has now been 15 BUSINESS days since my order was shipped and I still have NOT received it. Could someone please track it down for me?

Thanks,

Stella

The response:

Dear Stella,

Sometimes the USPS may take 21 business days. If you have not received your order by 10/14/2008 please contact me.

Sincerely,

Kieran
Tower.com Customer Service

Are you KIDDING me? It doesn't take 21 business days to deliver a book! And October 14th wouldn't be 21 buiness days, it would be 31 business days!

My irate comeback:

You know, the original promise was 8-15 business days. In order for an item to take over a month for me to receive it, USPS must delivering to me on foot. At a rate of only 5 miles per day.

This is ridiculous--I have sent items via USPS and it takes no longer than a week. Please trace the item or re-ship it using a more reliable carrier. I should not have to wait 6 weeks to receive a book.

Three days later Tower responds:

Dear Stella,

It has been 21 business days since Anathem (Hardcover) / Neal Stephenson (Author) has shipped out. We will now consider this item lost in the mail, would you like a full refund or replacement?

Thank you for choosing Tower.com,
Kieran
Tower Team Member

I immediately reply:

Replacement. ASAP Please.

Thanks.

That was the 6th of October. More than three weeks later I had not received my book. I e-mail customer service on the 28th:

Has this been shipped out? Because I STILL have not received it.

A day later:

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for contacting Tower.com.

Please let us know the title of the item in question.

If you have any further questions, please reply to this email or forward your inquiries to info@tower.com.

Thank you for choosing Tower.com,
Mike
Tower Team Member

Hmm--wonder what happened to Kieran?

Neal Stephenson Anathem. If you had scrolled down the email, you would have
seen that.

It was originally shipped out on 9/5. It never showed up. It was supposed
to have been re-shipped weeks ago.

This is really irritating. I doubt I'll be ordering from Tower.com again.

Mike replies:

Dear Customer,

Sorry for the frustration! I have now ordered you a replacement.

I have ordered you a replacement for Anathem (Hardcover) / Neal Stephenson (Author).
We will contact you via email once it has been shipped.
Thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

Mike
Tower Customer Service

I love being referred to as "Customer."

A week later I'm notified that my book has been shipped out:

Dear Valued Customer,

We wanted you to be the first to know!

Your item, Anathem (Hardcover) / Neal Stephenson (Author), has just shipped from our distribution center and is on its way to you RIGHT NOW!

Shipping Information for Domestic Orders:

Standard Shipments are expected to arrive within 8-15 business days upon shipment.

We hope you enjoy your order!

Thank you for choosing Tower.com - Your site for EVERYTHING ENTERTAINMENT!

Sincerely,
Tower Customer Care Department

Yeah--I've heard this before!

Now, a little over a week later (exactly one week if you account for the Veteran's Day holiday) it has FINALLY arrived!

It only took over TWO MONTHS from when they initially notified me about the shipment.

Idiots.

P.S. And, to add insult to injury, I've just noticed the copy they sent me is DAMAGED!!!

I hate Tower.com.

Even the Piemaker might not be able to revive this one...

Normally I'd be writing a recap/review of Pushing Daisies for this morning's post, but the quirky show has been preempted the past two weeks: last week by the election and this week by the CMAs.

Unfortunately, the show--which has been struggling to find an audience--may be drawing its last breath. There have been rumors of cancellation. If that's the case, creator Bryan Fuller is prepared to complete the story's arc--perhaps via cable or even through comic books.

If the series does suffer an untimely death, no doubt the talented people associated with it will land on their feet:

Fuller may return to writing for Heroes, Lee Pace is poised to be a major movie star (I know I will go see anything he's in!) and Kristin Chenoweth will go out and win yet another Tony award on Broadway.

So the only ones who will mourn the loss of the show are its fans.

Sigh.

Grace Under Pressure

They say men work
from sun to sun
but a woman's work
is never done
I seem to get
less than I give
but it still beats
the alternative
And I don't know
why men lie
I guess that's why
women cry...
You think by now
I'd know better
to stay or go
grace under pressure

I want to be
in control
and sometimes I want
to be controlled
And I don't know
how you intend
to determine
which and when
And I don't know
why men don't cry
they always have
an alibi
You think by now
I'd learn my lesson
to stay or go
grace under pressure

Seems to be too late
before I realize
Halfway's too far away
and so we reach no compromise

Like Diogenes I am
searching for an honest man
The effort seems to be
an exercise in futility
And I don't know
why men lie
I guess that's why
women cry
You think by now
I'd know better
to stay or go
grace under pressure...

Heroes - Villains

This whole season (Part Three) has been about "Villains." Why they felt the need to title last night's episode "Villains" and even change up the show's logo, I'm not sure. 'Cuz the only villain on the show last night was Arthur Petrelli.

Even good ol' Linderman was warm and fuzzy compared to the ice-water that runs through Papa Petrelli's veins. His plan to kill off son Nathan was thwarted when Linderman healed the scars in Angela's mind created by Arthur's mind control. (Hmmm, seems like Arthur's power is a bit like the Haitian's....)

I was pretty sure the soup Angela served Arthur was poisoned and I was right. "I lied. It's not your mother's recipe," Angela tells Arthur. The Haitian is there to help dispose of the body, but Nathan's arrival prevents that. Although the doctor tells Angela and Nathan that Arthur is dead, Arthur--even paralyzed--is still alive and able to use his mind control on him.

And that's the backstory of how Arthur Petrelli--who allegedly died in Season One--is back wreaking havoc in the world of the Heroes. It also explains why he's so pissed at Angela...

The rest of the episode focused on some of the other so-called villains' pasts--but by the time the show was over, you feel even more sympathy for Angela, Elle and even poor manipulated Sylar. At times it seemed a bit retrofitted and reverse engineered, but we got to revisit the car accident where Nathan's flying powers manifested--re-edited to include a confrontation with Arthur.

Claire's bio-Mom Meredith was featured prominently--which leads me to believe she'll be playing a much larger role this season compared to seasons past. Eric Roberts--looking pretty damn hot!--was also back as Agent Thompson. But he was killed at the end of season one, so it's doubtful he'll be seeing any more action this season.

But even his character was inbued with a softer side--as he cut Meredith free after learning that she was told Claire was dead. Flint, the fire guy who was one of the bad guys who escaped from level five at the beginning of the season, is Meredith's brother. With the exception of his fire-powers, he's not the brightest bulb in the world. "They're tricking you 'cuz you're dumb," Meredith tells him regarding his belief that the company is going to make him an agent. "God gave you a big sister instead of a brain."

The biggest piece of re-engineering was the Sylar plotline: it appears none other than Elle and Noah Bennet helped create the monster out of mild-mannered Gabriel Gray. Yes, so distraught over killing his first victim, Gabriel was about to commit suicide. Only to be rescued by Elle, who shoots a bolt of electricity and severs the noose. There seemed to be some sparks between Elle and Gabriel--and not just the ones that shoot out of her fingertips. Perhaps we'll see a romance between the two later on this season...

Electricity girl was not there by accident--she was working with Noah Bennet to get Sylar to demonstrate his powers. After the contrived crossing of paths, Bennet snarks to Elle, "Cute meet."

(Uh, it's "meet-cute"--aka the standard initial contact used traditionally in romantic comedies.)

While the meeting with Elle and Sylar may not have been random, the episode featured several paths crossing (Mohinder as a cabbie for Noah Bennet, for one). Seems like Heroes is taking some cues from LOST...

The whole episode was part of Hiro's spirit walk--and upon awaking, Hiro is compelled to warn Nathan and Angela about Arthur. Uh, note to Hiro: You're too late! But he found that out soon enough, making the gruesome discovery of the beheaded tribal guy. (Aw, poor tribal guy! We hardly knew ye! Perhaps Hiro will go back in time and fix it...) The killer? None other than big baddy Arthur Petrelli--who turns his mind control towards Hiro in an attempt to make his head explode (At least that's what I THINK happened to poor tribal guy!).

Yeah, Arthur's a villain all right...I'm predicting Ando will somehow come to the rescue. Maybe by waving those hallucenogenic fumes under Arthur's nose?

The Best of Bond...James Bond

I've never been a fan of James Bond movies. Until the franchise reboot Casino Royale starring Daniel Craig. Then the series went from gadgets to grit, from blow-dried suave to raw hotness, from slick techno to hardcore action.

I'm really looking to Quantum of Solace which releases this weekend, but in the meantime I've been listening to a compilation of Bond film theme songs called The Best of Bond...James Bond. Featuring 22 songs from Bond movies such as Thunderball, Goldfinger and Diamonds are Forever--along with two versions of the James Bond theme--the CD is a time capsule of Bond franchise and how its evolved over the years.

Interesting to note, that while much is made of each film's "Bond Girl," when it comes to theme songs Shirley Bassey--who is a vocalist on three of the songs on the CD--is THE Bond Girl. Other Bond "girl" vocalists include Gladys Knight, k.d. lang, Sheryl Crow, Nancy Sinatra, Tina Turner and Madonna.

My favorite Bond tunes are Live and Let Die by Paul McCartney and Wings and Nobody Does It Better by Carly Simon. In addition to performances by Tom Jones, Louis Armstrong and Lulu, the CD also features one-hit wonder A-Ha. It's a pretty eclectic group of performers and performances: from Garbage and Chris Cornell to Sheena Easton and Rita Coolidge.

The CD is available now at Amazon.com--or you could win a copy from Well Above Average!

Just leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite Bond theme song is and keep checking back. I'll randomly select a winner in a couple of weeks and send you the CD.

The only restrictions are: you must have a U.S. address for me to send the CD to (sorry, Tokyo!) and you can't be related to me (sorry David!).

Desperate Housewives - What More Do I Need?

Susan and Jackson continued the clean slate on their romance by going back to the beginning--starting with the first date. This means poor Jackson is subjected to Susan's incessant babbling and the a listing of her least favorite words (panties, larva and chunks). It also means holding off on sex until date number four.

So Jackson channels his sexual frustration and unblocks his artistic creativity by starting a painting of Susan. Susan shows up after their third date in some slutty lingerie hoping to convince Jackson that it's date number four. When she sees the painting, she is touched at how well Jackson knows her.

Lynette and Tom confront Porter about the MILF and order him to end the relationship. Porter agrees but tells them they can't tell Anne Schilling that they know about the affair. Tom agrees to Porter's terms--but at the next PTA meeting, Lynette is overcome with rage at the hypocritical cougar and attacks her in the bathroom. (Pretty sad excuse for a catfight, though--Marc Cherry should have watched some Dynasty re-runs!) Turns out Anne Schilling is pregnant, so she and Porter make plans to run away together.

Although life as Virginia Hildebrand's surrogate family is pretty sweet for a while, it doesn't take long before Gaby is creeped out by the old woman's attentions--especially after Virginia tells her kids to call her "Grandma." Gaby tells the creepy old lady off and Viriginia turns around and gets Carlos fired from his job at the country club.

Ida and her sister Roberta continue their detective work on Dave Williams. Roberta finds out that Dr. Heller has been making regular calls to Dave--and that he's a psychiatrist specializing in treating the criminally insane. They try getting more info from the doctor himself--but Dr. Heller is one smart cookie and doesn't fall for their ruse. He does find out, however, that Dave is in Fairview--and makes travel arrangements to go there himself.

The best storyline was Orson and Bree--whose decision to fire a light-fingered employee named Charlie backfires. Turns out the surveillance tape that caught Charlie dipping into the petty cash also caught Orson and Bree having sex in the kitchen--and that tape is in the hands of Charlie! Charlie blackmails Bree who is vehemently opposed to paying him. Andrew tells her that her options regarding the tape are limited: "First, you need to decide what your porn names are gonna be."

Bree gives Andrew carte blanche to handle the situation and he brings back the disk. "It's kind of amazing what you can get a bunch of bikers to do when you buy them a case of beer!" As it turns out, the disk doesn't have Bree and Orson on it--but Mike and Katherine! "Just so you know, I'm never eating anything that's coming out of that kitchen again..." Andrew says.

Andrew had the best lines in last night's episode...

Bree confronts Katherine with the disk--and warns her that Susan might not reacts well when she finds out that Katherine is involved with her ex.

Looks like Susan might be finding out in next week's episode...

Role Models

Director David Wain and star Paul Rudd (along with co-star Ken Marino and Timothy Dowling) co-wrote the script about two unlikely mentors so if the movie has the feel of the juvenile raunch and crudeness that often accompanies a gathering of guys unfettered by the restraints of civility, that's probably why.

There's nothing all that surprising about this formulaic story of a pair of mismatched co-workers who--through a predictable series of circumstances--end up as the "big brothers" for two equally mismatched kids. The trajectory follows the standard buddy comedy: awkward first meeting, the bonding moment, the blow-up and fall-out and the inevitable reconciliation

But for the most part, the formula works.

Paul Rudd plays Danny, a curmudgeonly Bud Abbott to Seann William Scott's Wheeler, an unrepentant manchild Lou Costello sidekick. But story really revolves around the relationship with Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Augie Farks and Bobb'e J. Thomspon as Ronnie. Mintz-Plasse is especially effective in another McLovin-like role of a shy, nerdy role-player whose parents wish he was more "normal." (Note to parents: If you want your kid to grow up to be an introverted geek, name them "Augie." That's a name that will get you beat up on the playground if I ever heard one...)

The whole role-playing shtick figures prominently in the story--as does a great set-up and payoff featuring the band, KISS. There's a lot of profanity sprinkled throughout--hence the R rating. But there's also a lot of heart. Which creates a bit of a conundrum: one on hand you've got an uplifting family movie about following your heart, on the other hand it's way too obscene to take the young ones to see it.

Previously on Lost

Leave it to Jen Chaney to track down and write about the recap rock band (Seriously, isn't that a bit specialized?) Previously on Lost.

It's still almost three more months until LOST premieres its penultimate season. Until then, you can console yourself with POL and their song, Be My Constant.

Memos to Morons - part seven

TO: Disney

RE: Hannah Montana

I read recently read how you pulled an episode of Hannah Montana over a controversial storyline about a teen coping with a disease. The storyline was deemed "inappropriate" for the rabid tweeners who fanatically watch this schlock.

Was the disease in question something taboo like necrophilia?

No.

Nymphomania?

No.

Dipsomania?

No.

HIV or AIDS, maybe?

Nope.

It was diabetes.

As someone who lives with type one diabetes, I must say I take issue with this.

According to one of your spokespeople:

"Notwithstanding the measures we took, and based on the episode's preview and early feedback from parents, we removed the episode from Sunday's schedule and are now reevaluating it," the Disney rep said."

That sounds very responsible of you, except it appears that the "early feedback" from parents were complaints about the topic being covered at all on the show.

Way to have balls, Disney!

And speaking of balls, is it not a bit odd that those same concerns about appropriateness weren't anywhere to be found while marketing and distributing some rather disturbing Hannah Montana merchandise?

Ugly Betty/The Office - Crush'd and Customer Survey

I take back what I said about the cuteness between Betty and Jesse last week. The interchange that opened last night's episode of Ugly Betty was seriously ho-hum. And the tape (Was it a tape? Does anyone still make "tapes"?) of Jesse's music that Betty was listening to at her desk was almost as bad as Betty's singing.

Fortunately, by the time Jesse and his band, Dark Sexual Journey, played at Betty's Mode after-party, the music was definitely an improvement. Unfortunately, it seems Jesse does not improve upon closer inspection: Betty catches him making out with impromptu roommate Amanda. Hurt and angry, she kicks the recently evicted Amanda to the curb--only to relent after Amanda's heartfelt--albeit back-handed--apology.

(How in the world did Amanda get from flirting on the roof at Connor to kissing Jesse in Betty's apartment so fast anyway?)

Wilhelmina suffered a bit of a setback of her own: after Daniel confesses that he and Connor "played" her, she decides to blackmail him. But she ends up being charmed by the former captain of the crew team (and former captain of the Kahana!) After Connor declares to the scheming Wilhelmina and the steaming Daniel, "I'm nobody's bitch," Willie apologizes to him saying, "I always blackmail people when I'm nervous. It's kind of my go-to..." Like Betty, her crush ends up being crushed by the reality that dream guy is already engaged...

The episode also featured Marc's boyfriend Cliff (David Blue) again. He asks Marc to move in with him--which cause Marc to freak out completely. By the end of the episode, Marc has done a 180 and asks Cliff to marry him (Sadly ironic following the passage of Proposition 8 in California...). But was that proposal a true expression of Marc's feelings--or his attempt to escape the temptation of the cute guy at the after-party?

Loved the teasing interplay between Daniel and Betty regarding her crush on Jesse. Especially Daniel's sweet speech after a distraught Betty is crying over Jesse. Also touching was the final scene between Wilhelmina and Betty--the two busted crushes silently commiserating on the roof of Betty's building.

Although what is going on with that swoopy bang thing that Willie is sporting? Are they doing product placement for Nike or what?

The writers of The Office have come up with the perfect solution to the Jim/Pam long distance relationship: a miniature Bluetooth. It was a cute and clever way to give us our Jam fix as well as incorporate a bit of dramatic conflict.

The episode revolved around the review of customer surveys for the sales people--which affect their sales bonuses. Not surprisingly, Dwight was rated as aggressive, hostile and difficult.

Surprisingly, Jim rating were also "poopy" with comments such as "smudge and arrogant." "Smug," Jim corrects Michael. "There's that smudgeness," responds Michael.

Dwight is convinced that there is some nefarious plot at hand and accuses Kelly: "I know you're the mastermind, but you're too stupid to do it yourself!" "Get out of my nook!," Kelly responds. "That's what she said!," chimes in Pam via Jim's Bluetooth.

So funny.

Turns out Dwight isn't crazy (well he IS crazy, but in this case he happened to be right...), and Kelly manipulated the surveys to punish Jim and Dwight for not attending her America's Got Talent Finale party. Confronted by Michael, Kelly says "I was raped." "You cannot say "I was raped" and expect all your problems to go away," counters Michael.

In an uncharacteristic display of managerial brilliance, Michael empathizes with Kelly telling her, "I cannot tell you how much leftover guacamole I've had to eat by myself over the years..."

Andy and Angela's wedding plans progress. Given Angela's demands to be married in a field with a barn where you can see starlight through the slats in the roof, Andy locates the perfect setting: Shrute's Beet Farm. Obviously a disaster waiting to happen...

In other news, the episode in two weeks is titled "Frame Toby."

YES! I knew Toby would be back!

This Clotheshorse is going nude...

...nude skincare that is!

I was introduced to this line a couple of months ago and had the opportunity to hear firsthand about philosophy behind this high-end natural skincare from founder Bryan Meehan. I was very impressed at the thought and care that went into the development of the line: from the eco-friendly packaging to the exquisite ingredients.

Later, I was able to experience the luxurious products under the amazing hands of aesthetician extraordinaire Joanna Czech. Joanna explained to me in more detail how the line worked to protect the skin's natural acid mantle through the use of probiotics.

For the past couple of months, I've been using products hand-selected for me by the wonderful Joanna--and I've been loving how my skin has been looking.

For gently cleansing my skin, Joanna recommended nude cleansing facial oil. Many people shy away from using oil on the skin fearing it will clog pores and cause breakouts. The melange of oils in nude's cleanser rinse away completely, leaving my skin clean--yet soft and supple. Allure magazine loves it as well--giving it their Editor's Choice Award!

I follow up my cleansing routine with a spritz of nude hydrating water. The infusion of rose flower water, glycerin and prickly pear extract soothes and refreshes my skin--and provides a nice preparation for moisture.

Joanna initially recommended the nude replenishing night oil mixed with the advanced smoothing complex, but given the dry patches I was suffering from, she decided the intense moisture mask would provide the nourishment my skin needed. Containing shea butters. milk peptides to reduce irritation along with honey, fig and licorice to reduce skin irritation, the intense moisture mask has been just the ticket to get my dry, scaly patches under control.

I alternate the application of the intense moisture mask with the advanced smoothing complex which contains natural peptides to stimulate collagen production and firm for visibly smoother skin along with hyaluronic acid to lock in water, hydrating and reduce the appearance of fine lines. Mixed with the gorgeous replenishing night oil which is a pure blend of omegas 3, 6, 7 and 9 to nourish and protect along with antioxidant cranberry and avellana to defend against free radical attack.

Twice a week Joanna recommends use of the nude facial scrub, a gentle exfoliant containing ultra fine beads of rose quartz to slough off dead skin cells. I love how smooth and even-toned this scrub leaves my skin!

nude is not your typical granola girl natural skincare line. It's exotic, luxurious--and a bit pricey. But it's designed to be eco-friendly, ethical AND effective.

More Thoughts on The 4400

Since Heroes was pre-empted this week due to the election, I've been continuing to catch up with The 4400, a sci-fi series that bears a striking resemblance to it.

The 4400 debuted July 2004 while Heroes broadcast his first episode September 2006. Is it possible Tim Kring was inspired or influenced by it?

I wonder...

1. The 4400 features characters with superhuman/supernatural powers as does Heroes.

2. Some of those powers include clairvoyance, mind control, telekinesis, healing--just like on Heroes. Although so far (I'm halfway through season three) I haven't seen anyone fly...

3. The 4400 featured a scene with a character who jumps off a building, only to get up and walk away unscathed. Very similar to Claire's early testing of her regeneration ability. The same character could cut her hand and watch it heal.

4. The 4400 has a scientist character who injects himself with a serum that creates abilities but comes with some nasty side effects--just like Mohinder in Heroes.

5. There's a time travel element in The 4400 similar to that of Heroes.

6. There are 4400s that use their powers for good and those that are evil--just like in Heroes.

7. Both The 4400 and Heroes are tasked with saving the world.

I really love Heroes, but I'm finding myself even more involved with this lesser known predecessor.

Soul Men Soundtrack CD Releases 11/4

Although the movie about two estranged soul-singing legends who agree to participate in a reunion performance at the Apollo Theater to honor their recently deceased band leader has been afflicted with tragedy (the untimely deaths of Bernie Mac and Ike Turner), the Stax-influenced soundtrack remains unmarred.

My favorite track on the album is the cover of I'm Your Puppet by John Legend and featuring vocals by the movie's stars Samuel L. Jackson and Bernie Mac. Mac and Jackson performed on the tracks Boogie Ain’t Nuttin’ (But Gettin’ Down) and Do Your Thing which also featured vocals by Sharon Leal.

Neo-soul stars Anthony Hamilton, Leela James and Ryan Shaw, cult favorites Sharon Jones with her band The Dap Kings (known for their work with Amy Winehouse among others) and Me’Shell NdegeOcello contribute their talents to the solid album that faithfully recreates the legendary sound and flavor associated with Stax Records at the height of its popularity in the late ‘60s through the mid-‘70s.

The CD also features stellar original Stax recordings by Hayes (Never Can Say Goodbye, a 1971 Top 5 R&B and Top 30 pop hit) and longtime soul man Eddie Floyd (of Knock On Wood fame) via the 1968 hit I’ve Never Found A Girl (To Love Me Like You Do).

If you're a fan of old-time R&B, you definitely want to add the Soul Men soundtrack to your collection!

Desperate Housewives - There's Always a Woman

Carlos' massage skills earn him the undying loyalty of one of his clients--a very rich older woman named Virginia Hildebrand who was the recipient of a massage which accidentally had a very happy ending. She invites Carlos to accompany her on a two month European tour as her personal masseur--at $50k a month!

Gaby insists on Carlos taking the gig--until she finds out why Virginia is so enamored with her husband's work. She confronts Virginia who claims that Carlos healed her--and her terminal loneliness. She then entices Gaby to come along on the trip and be her personal shopper. She tells Gaby she'll pay her in designer dresses. Thank god! Anything would be better that the Wal-mart wear Gaby has been wearing lately. Seems like Virginia might have an ulterior motive...

Susan is kvetching to her new painter about her situation with Jackson, who wisely advises her to work things out with her relationship. Susan is inspired to go to Jackson's place. When he doesn't answer the door, she lets herself in. (Who does this?!!!) Then, hearing the shower running, she decides to surprise Jackson by joining him (Again, I ask you--who DOES this?!!!). The surprise is on her when the occupant of the shower is not Jackson, but a woman he met and picked up the night before.

When Jackson arrives home, Susan lets him have it and exits in a huff. Jackson then shows up at her place to straighten things out and Susan declares she wishes they could start over from scratch. Jackson walks out of her house and then her cell phone rings. It's Jackson, pretending it's right after they first met, and asking her out.

Whatever.

Katherine's love life--or lack thereof--becomes an issue for Bree when she fears Katherine will move away to Maryland tobe with Dylan since nothing is going on in her life on Wisteria Lane. She gets the bright idea to set her up with Peter Hickey, the new client Orson scored for the business. Orson told Bree that Peter was his college roommate, but in actuality he was in prison with Orson--convicted for stealing organs and selling them on the black market. "If I'm not careful, this guy could end up stealing my heart!," a satisfied Katherine gushes to Bree. "If he does, please call!" a worried Bree replies.

Bree breaks the bad news to Katherine--and begs her not to leave. Katherine is touched by Bree's sisterly affection and agrees to stay. But her love life might be picking up soon--with the very available Mike Delfino!

Sisterly love was also evident with McCluskey and her sister Roberta. (Brilliant casting choice of Lily Tomlin!) The two tough old broads team up to find up what Dave Williams is up to.

They may be doing the detecting, but it's pretty obvious what Dave is up to. He confesses to Edie that his brother Steve was killed in prison by another inmate. Hmm--who do we know who was in prison? You might point out that Orson was in jail--but I'm pretty sure it's Mike that Dave is after. His pushiness is even making Mike a bit suspicious...

Suspicious minds are also an issue in the Scavo household. Lynette sees Tom with a hot blonde--only to find out that Anne Schilling is a realtor trying to rent Tom some rehearsal space for his garage band. When she finds out that Anne also helped furnish the new rehearsal space with a futon, she confronts Tom with her suspicion. Tom assures her and calms her down--but notices a condom wrapper on the floor.

But he condom wrapper isn't Tom's--it belongs to Porter. Tom makes up an excuse to Lynette and catches Porter wrapping up his assignation. He doesn't find out that Porter's partner in crime is none other than cougar Anne Schilling. But Lynette sees the hot blonde slipping out of her husband's rehearsal space in a state of disarray and immediately assumes the worst.

Guess we get to see that fight NEXT week.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

I kind of suspect that the making of a Kevin Smith movie is a lot like the film within a film of Zack and Miri Make a Porno. First you got the whole production lead by a lovably schlubby slacker, then you've got the goofy "Hey, let's make a movie!" vibe, then there's the assembly of assorted friends and cohorts (see stalwart Smith alums Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson making yet another appearance) and lastly you've the low-budget, envelope-pushing indie spirit that's evident in almost all of Smith's productions.

With the schlubby slacker hero in this case played by the king of the schlubby slacker heroes, Seth Rogen as Zack, paired with way out of his league pretty blonde (Elizabeth Banks as Miri), you've sort of got a Knocked Up vibe going on. The set-up is as flimsy as the excuse of the cable guy showing up to screw the lusty customer who no longer cares that she's missing her soap opera: Zack and Miri are long-time platonic friends and roommates who are down on their luck and facing eviction.

So they decide to make a porno to raise money.

Okay--it's a bit of a twist on the Andy Hardy "Let's Put on a Show!": think Knocked Up meets Boogie Nights and you've got some idea of how it all plays out. But underneath all the silliness, raunchiness and bouncing boobies, there's a pretty sweet romantic comedy about a boy who's been carrying a torch for girl and what happens to their platonic relationship when they "hook up" under the guise of making a porno.

The love scene between Rogen and Banks is full of depth and intimacy--in stark contrast to the porn-making antics that precede and follow it. Of course the would-be lovers deal with the awkwardness that follows by miscommunications and misunderstandings, break-ups and broken hearts, and the inevitable romantic reconciliation and happy ending. Stripped of the juvenile hijinks, it really is a chick flick for guys.

Or perhaps a "dick flick" for girls...

Rogen and Banks have some excellent chemistry together and Craig Robinson is solid as Delaney, Zack's co-worker turned porno producer. But for my money, Justin Long's gay porn star and Tisha Campbell-Martin as Delaney's ball-busting wife were the stand-out performances of the film. Long is beyond hysterical with his dead-pan delivery and Martin's screeching shrew is sheer genius.

Jason Mewes and Traci Lords (who no doubt gave the project "porn industry cred") sadly look a bit worse for wear. Listen and learn kids: this is what hard living does to a body. Lords, 40 and Mewes, 34 look years older than their birth certificates.

Stick around for the end credits for more hilarity featuring Justin Long.

Vert Los Angeles - The Eco-chic Boutique Launches Online

One of the cool things about living in Los Angeles is that you can find beauty boutiques on just about every other corner. They're about as ubiquitous as Starbucks in this town.

But as plentiful as the selection of beauty products are in this town, one boutique stands out from the others.

Vert is not just a haven for luxuriously upscale products, but a one-stop destination for eco-conscious shoppers carrying the very best green products for home, baby, lifestyle and personal care.

From cosmetics to candles, each product is hand-selected by owner and make-up artist Renata Helfman. In 2005, Helfman's doctor suggested she change all her personal and home care products to those without chemicals. After spending much time scouring Los Angeles for her favorite items on a regular basis, she was struck with the idea to create a one-stop shopping option for premium eco-friendly products.

And thus Vert (which means "green") was born. With lines such as Arcona, Ren, Naturopathica, Red Flower and Me and Ro filling the shelves of the shop located in the hip Abbott-Kinney area of Venice, Vert is committed to promoting a full, eco-friendly lifestyle.

And now you don't need to live in Los Angeles to avail yourself of Vert's offerings: today marks the launch of its e-commerce site. Not only are you able to have access to hundred of great green products, but you can avail yourself to Helfman's expertise as well:

• Renata will answer common customer questions from skincare advice to tips on going green via a FAQ page.
• A favorites page will include a rotating roster of her essential products
• Helfman will create customized gift baskets specifically tailored to the recipient
• The site will offer a customized shopping experience by recommending brands and products by on past purchases and products viewed
  

With free shipping on orders over $75 and customized gift bags all ready for purchase, Vert Los Angeles online shopping is ready to rock and roll for the upcoming holiday season.

Check it out!