Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Keep Yer Shirt On!

I was reading a very funny article in the Washington Post this morning about the new ban at Nationals Park against guys going shirtless:

The Skins cover up all winter long and then consider it nothing short of an inalienable American right to ditch the polo when they think it makes sense. They're not lawless creatures; all but the most fringe of their ilk will wear a shirt into a store or on the subway. But in a small way, they're getting in touch with the part of every guy that thought "Lord of the Flies" was kind of cool, until, you know, everyone on that island started stabbing one another. The Skins recognize boundaries, but they can't fathom why the off-limits mark should include a place as public and rowdy as a stadium.
It made me remember a demonstration numerous years back where a bunch of women were protesting the disparity between how males and females are treated by taking their shirts off. Their reasoning: If it's good enough for the gander, it's good for the goose. My philosophy: Let's EVERYONE just keep your shirts on!

I think this should have been Fashion Tip #6--I can't believe I left it off the list! There are some venues where shirtlessness is appropriate--the beach, the pool, the pages of Playgirl magazine. In fact I stumbled across a blog dedicated to Shirtless Hunks. Unfortunately no Mark Cuban or Tom Bergeron (sorry Elisabeth!). But the average dude needs to keep it covered up.

I remember being out one lovely warm summer day only to have it spoiled by an elderly male jogger. It wasn't his stick figure legs or his knobby knees that got my attention, but the fact he was letting it all hang out--with a little pot belly that was the color and texture of cottage cheese. Ew, ew, ew!

Let's put it this way--unless you look like this:

You should keep your torso covered as much as possible.

Conversely, if you DO look like this:

Feel free to go shirtless as much as you want!

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