Christmas: The Aftermath

Before I sink into a food-induced coma (compliments of cookies baked by my sister Laurie), I thought I'd share some of the Christmas I spent with brother David, his girlfriend Crystal and the most adorable Master Jack.

Serenaded by an iTunes Christmas playlist (again thanks to Laurie who burned at least half a dozen Christmas CDs for my enjoyment), we opened presents and ate breakfast and basically chilled out on a rainy L.A. day.

The first gift I opened was from David and was a CanonA470 digital camera. After some instructions from Crystal, I was able to take some halfway decent photos:













Crystal and Jack

David and Crystal

Jack with his new stuffed puppy from Laurie

Jack with his monster blanket

In addition to the digital camera I got an iTunes gift card, 2 GB USB flashdrive, a cow draft dodger, some tea, a reusable shopping bag and this deceptively simple looking puzzle that had us pulling our hair out. We took a picture so we'd never have to spend hours figuring it out again:

Puzzle from Hell

After we got through exchanging our gifts, we started in on the presents Laurie sent. And my present from Laurie was...a Sony digital camera!

Apparently two of my siblings read my blog--but neither of them talk to each other. James told me he sent out my Christmas present yesterday. If I get a THIRD digital camera I'm going to have to stop writing and this blog will henceforth be all pictures.

Thanks to all for making it such an awesome Christmas! Hope yours was fabulous as well...

Frasier Grinch

Jen Chaney recently posted her list of TV's Most Awesome Holiday episodes. Sure we all love The Grinch and Frosty (well, maybe not Frosty so much...), but some of the best Christmas "specials" are holiday-themed episodes of our favorite sitcoms and dramas.

Frankly, I think Ms. Chaney's list is kind of lame. Mainly because it omits the most awesome of TV's most awesome holiday episodes: Frasier Grinch.

In this episode, Frasier's son Frederick is coming to visit for Christmas and Frasier is in a tizzy because the educational gifts he ordered for his son have gone astray in the mail (leading to Nile's most awesome punchline: "The Cranes of Maine have got your human brain...") leading to a frenzy visit to the most horrific of locales on Christmas Eve: a shopping mail. Although Martin has advised Frasier that the hot gift item is an "Outlaw Laser Robogeek," he ignores him in favor of more intellectual items for his young son.

This is what happens next:



Yeah--it makes me misty-eyed every time...

Bottle Rocket: Short Film Soundtrack Digital Release

Rushmore is one of my favorite movies. But before Rushmore, there was Bottle Rocket. And before Bottle Rocket, there was...

Bottle Rocket.

Two years before the release of the quirky caper film about some spectacularly inept thieves, Anderson filmed a 13 minute short version that was the inspiration for the feature length film.

With the release of the deluxe DVD version of the film comes the never before released short--as well as its accompanying soundtrack.

Wes Anderson is as well-known for his quirky, offbeat choices of music as he is for his quirky and offbeat cast of characters. The soundtrack for the short film is no exception. His longtime collaboration with music supervisor Randall Posner over the years has produced the uniquely idiosyncratic sound that Anderson is known for.

The short film moves along to the syncopated beat of an assortment of jazz tunes: Artie Shaw, Sonny Rollins, Duke Ellington & John Coltrane and the Zoot Sims Quartet add zip and pizazz to the eight tracks of the album. Anderson must have grown up watching the Peanuts specials like the rest of us because two of the tracks are by none other than Peanuts composer Vince Guaraldi.

According to music production team of Anderson/Posner:

“I was listening to a lot of jazz at the time, especially Coltrane’s albums on Blue Note and Sonny Rollins’ A Night at the Village Vanguard,” explains Anderson. “I was inspired by the use of American jazz in French new wave movies like Breathless. I still love this music.”

“He seemed to take the outlaw nature of these jazz musicians and apply it to the would-be rebels in the film,” adds Poster.

The soundtrack for the short film version of Bottle Rocket is available on iTunes.

Next thing you know, the Pope will be doing podcasts...

From an article in the Washington Post, "Vatican embraces iTunes prayer book."

According to the article:

Pope Benedict XVI, a classical music lover who was reportedly given an iPod in 2006, has sought to reach out to young people through new media. During last summer's World Youth Day in Sydney, Australia, he sent out mobile phone text messages citing scripture to thousands of registered pilgrims - signed with the tagline "BXVI."

The prayer book was downloaded 10,000 during the trial period.

Who knows--maybe with a little help from technology it'll end up being bigger than the Beatles...

Favorite TV Characters

I'm glomming off a recent post by Linz about her favorite TV characters. I completely concur with her on the choices of Dexter Morgan of Dexter (Michael C. Hall makes serial killing an art form) and Ned the Piemaker from Pushing Daisies (Lee Pace is even yummier than his pies!) and Desmond Hume from LOST, but I thought I add a couple of my own picks:

1. Entourage, Ari Gold - This role may turn out to be Jeremy Piven's "Captain Kirk" in that he will be forever identified and defined the hyperbolic and hyperactive uber-agent. But there are worse fates. And Shatner managed to outgrow Star Trek. It only took 40 years....

Lloyd!!!

2. Dirty Sexy Money, Brian Darling - Glenn Fitzgerald is my only reason for watching this silly, stupid show. His portrayal of perpetually angry Brian Darling is both hot-headed and just plain HOT. Someone compiled a "Best of" all his spleen-venting moments on YouTube. My favorite is his attempt to get a little (well, maybe not SO little) girl to stop bullying his illegitimate son:

"God told me you're not being so nice to him. And God is so disappointed. So from now on, He wants you two to be friends. Otherwise you're going to burn in Hell for eternity. And eternity's a very long time..."

3. The Office, Jim Halpert - Okay, just so you know it's not ALL about the bad boys. Who could resist John Krasinki and his patented "Jim face?"

Jim Halpert: Playing that game again?

Dwight Schrute: Second life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores; it doesn't have winners or losers.

Jim Halpert: Oh, it has losers...


3. Heroes, Sylar - Okay, maybe it IS all about the bad boys. Zachary Quinto can play warm and fuzzy or cold-blooded killer. Either way, he's by far the most interesting character on Heroes.

Long live Sylar!







4. Ugly Betty, Gio - Betty may have agonized over whether to choose Henry or Gio but it would have taken me no time at all. Henry Grubstick may have been "sweet like sugar and soft like suede," but Freddy Rodriguez brought passion, fire and Italian spice to the party.

Capiche?


5. Desperate Housewives, Andrew Van De Kamp -Shawn Pyform does a great job of portraying Bree's smart-mouthed gay son. He made AfterEllen.com's list Of Top 25 Gay TV Characters, but he's number one on my list!









6. One Life to Live, David Vickers - Tuc Watkins plays Andrew's gay next door neighbor on Desperate Housewives, but it's his portrayal of snarky con man/gigolo on One Life to Live that amuses me most. The writers LOVE writing lines for this guy:

David Vickers: Bo, don't neglect to turn on your lights and your siren. I will be right behind.

Lee Dennison Halpern Sanders: Ugh.

David Vickers: This is a seminal moment for me. I'll be chasing a police car instead of it chasing me. Let's go.

There are more--but it's late.

Who are your favorite TV characters?

Netflix Quick Picks - Round Eleven

It's been a while since round ten. My new job keeps me so busy I have little time for movies! But with TV going on holiday hiatus, it's time to catch up with the rentals...

1. Gangs of New York - Similar themes as The Departed with DiCaprio and Scorcese depicting deception and betrayal--only this time in 1800s New York City. If it were between this and The Departed, I'd have given Scorcese the Oscar for Gangs of New York. I'd have given Daniel Day-Lewis the Academy Award for his portrayal of Bill "the Butcher" Poole in this film over the one he was awarded for There Will Be Blood as well. Cameron Diaz was the only weak link, although much improved over her last period foray in From Hell. I say RENT IT!

2. Everything is Illuminated - Directed by Liev Schreiber, Elijah Wood stars Jonathan Froer, a Jewish collector of memorabilia and personal artifacts who seeks the woman who saved his grandfather when the Ukraine was invaded by the Nazis. But the real star of the film is Eugene Hutz who plays Froer's translator Alex. With his stilted broken English and Tony Manero-esque mannerisms, Alex could have ended up being an over-the-top caricature but Hutz infuses him with so much humor and humanity that you can't help but adore him. Rent it!

3. Eagle vs. Shark - This quirky New Zealand romantic comedy stars Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame. Unfortunately that's not enough to recommend it. Loren Holsey is lovely as the lovestruck Lily, but the film tries too hard to be offbeat and weird and meanders aimlessly in search of a story. Skip it.

4. A Good Woman - Is a bad movie. Helen Hunt is bad. Scarlett Johansson is bad. The life and lilt of this tale based on an Oscar Wilde play is completely sucked out of the story. With the exception of Tom Wilkinson who is completely charming as the winning and winsome Tuppy, this is a bland and banal costume drama devoid of any character. Skip it.

5. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - Stellar cast (Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Marisa Tomei, Albert Finney) directed by the legendary Sidney Lumet. It's a downer of a story filled with unlikable characters doing unspeakable things. If you like dark and downbeat, go for it.

But don't say I didn't warn ya...

6. The King of Comedy - Basically this is Taxi Driver all over again. Maybe a bit lighter and more satirical... Robert De Niro plays aspiring comic Travis Bickle (I mean Rupert Pupkin...) who is obsessed with Jodie Foster (make that Jerry Lewis) and tangentially involved with an icy blonde (Shelley Hack standing in for Cybill Shepherd in this case...). Same talking to self in the mirror scenes, same delusions of grandeur. It's a good movie--I'd just already seen it all before...

7. The Iron Giant - Although the film features Vin Diesel voicing the title characer, his trademark gravelly growl is synthesized to render it unrecognizable. Still, it's a clever little morality tale that's worth a look. Rent it.

8. Hard Eight - This early Paul Thomas Anderson film showcases the themes and characters that would come to be staple signatures in future films. Including Philip Baker Hall and Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly and Samuel L. Jackson (what is it with the three names or two plus middle initial anyway?!!!) who would pop up again and again in later works. It's a great character study, but I felt like the delivery was a bit flat. Philip Baker Hall is a charismatic enigma, but overall stretched too thin to hold the story together. Skip it.

LAVANILA: This is not your Mom's vanilla...

Personally I'm a fan of foodie scents. But there are times when one doesn't particularly want to smell like cake batter. Thank goodness for LAVANILA Pure Vanilla Body Wash. It's a more floral than foodie vanilla. With a hint of musk and patchouli.

And if the gorgeous scent weren't enough, the 100% natural cleanser is completely free of sulfates, harsh detergents and harmful synthetics. Known as "The Healthy Body Wash," LAVANILA is filled with great ingredients that are good for your skin:

• Coconut Oil: Has gentle cleansing properties to purify skin.
• Oat Protein: Moisturizes, conditions, and soothes skin as it adjusts skin's pH.
• Pomegranate: Gently exfoliates by removing the outer layer of dead skin cells that trap bacteria and sebum.
• Goji Berries: Provide potent antioxidant protection and nourishment.

I love how the light lather rinses completely - leaving softened and softly scented skin.

Yummy!

All Hail the Hulu Man!

Matt The.Hulu.Man has been gearing up the first annual (first EVER!) Hulu Awards. For better or worse, yours truly is a panelist working tirelessly voting on Hulu's best programming.

Now it's your chance. Let your voice be heard and cast your votes for your favorites!

Best Cartoon Series



Best Anime



Best Dramatic Movie



Best Dramatic TV Series



Best Family Movie



Best Movie Comedy



Best Non-competitive Reality Show



Best Celebrity Driven Reality Show



Best Competitive Reality Show



Best Documentary Feature



Best Horror Movie



Best Classic TV Show



Best Comedy TV Show



Best Show of the Seventies



Best Show of the Eighties



Best Sports Programming

Amongst the Coffee Tables and Futons...

I'm moving to a bigger apartment soon and as such I've been perusing Craigslist to see about acquiring some new (used) pieces of furniture for cheap.

There's a lot out there--although not necessarily "cheap." Used to be that people were more concerned with getting the extra stuff out of their apartment. With the economy the way it is, however, looks like people are actually trying to pay rent by selling off their furniture. Like the person in Malibu trying to unload a "Vintage" room divider folding screen with embroidered flowers for the bargain price of $3,999.

I got my folding screen room divider (sans embroidered flowers) for $40 at Target.

But in addition to the dining room tables and queen sized mattresses, there are a lot of odd things under the furniture for sale section of Craigslist:

Interferenital Estimulator (brand new) for $1,000
Solid Wood Doors (Quantity available, 5) for $85/each
Beautiful sword mounted under acrylic glass for $40
Scrapbook storage cubes, $10
6 1/2' Ficus tree for $170
Horse Sculpture, $20
Solid Wood Shutters, $10
Red Ferrari 360 F1 Spider, $149,000
Michelangelo Bronze overlay David statue, $2,900
Beautiful Silk Flower Arrangement, $30
Giant 5 ft Buddha
My Breast Friend breastfeeding pillow - $30
Oil Rubbed Bronze Toilet Paper Holder - $37

and my personal favorite listing,

like new GYN exam table - $750

Seriously people, I could not make this up!

It's a SpongeBob World and We Just Live in it...

I've never gotten the whole SpongeBob SquarePants thing. Frankly, I find him a little creepy.

But apparently SpongeBob is worldwide cultural phenomenon. In Spanish-speaking countries he is known as Bob Esponja and in French it's "Bob L'Eponge."

Bob L'Eponge...

Sounds almost classy, huh?

Adding One to the List

Thanks to my friend Dave, I can cross one item off my Christmas list.

So I thought I'd add something back on: a 16 GB Flashdrive. Once upon a time, 16 GB was more capacity than most hard drives. Hard to believe you can get all that storage now in a pocket-sized stick.

And for less than $30 in many cases!

At that price, maybe I should get a couple...

Pushing Daisies - The Norwegians

And the game-changer on last night's episode of Pushing Daisies is...George Hamilton?

The preternaturally tanned one wasn't credited with the cameo at the end of the show so his appearance as Ned's long lost father came as a bit of shock--especially given the fact that he bears little resemblance to Jon Eric Price (who played the role of the Piemaker's errant Dad previously) and NO resemblance to Lee Pace.

Speaking of Dads, Chuck bemoans the fact that hers has taken off: "I've been dumped by my Dad!" "You haven't been Dad-dumped," Ned consoles. A lone button sitting on the windowsill convinces Chuck that her Dad is still around--watching over her.

Meanwhile, Vivian tries to hire Emerson Cod to track down the MIA Dwight Dixon. Knowing full well Dwight's whereabouts (replacing the formerly dead Charles Charles in his coffin), he refuses the case and attempts to talk Vivian out of digging any deeper.

The bereft Vivian turns elsewhere for investigative support--to the Norwegians. Who resembled not so coincidentally the trio of Emerson, Ned and Chuck. Fearing the Norwegians will find out the truth, the three enlist Olive to convince Vivian to drop the case.

Olive is upset at being excluded from the three sharing secrets, but Chuck tries to tell her that it's for her own protection. "I don't need protection. That's what I have several long-standing restraining orders for!" exclaims Olive.

However, she reluctantly agrees to help out. But while talking to Vivian, she sees the similarity between Lily's obfuscation and that of Ned, Emerson and Chuck. Not only doesn't she talk Vivian out of her search for Dwight, but talks herself into switching teams.

And so Olive jumps ship and starts working with the Norwegians, who have located the note that Lily wrote to Dwight in his hotel room. They present the evidence to Vivian who confronts Lily. Lily tells her that Dwight stood her up as well--and shows her Charles Charles' watch which she found in Dwight's possession. This she offers as proof of Dwight's nefariousness since--as far as they know--the only he could have obtained the watch was by digging up Chuck's grave to get it.

The Norwegians also found a shovel underneath Dwight's bed and tracked the traces of dirt on it to the graves of Chuck and her Dad. But upon exhuming them, they find both coffins empty. Ned and Emerson come up with a plan to destroy the forensic evidence by getting rid of the Norwegians mobile lab, nicknamed "Mother."

When he goes to steal the vehicle, he finds Olive there with the same idea. Turns out that Olive was not a turncoat but deep undercover. As the two hurtle Thelma and Louise style towards a large chasm, Olive pumps Ned for information. "I got myself dirty," Ned admits. "Well, allow me to soap up those hard to reach place!" Olive offers.

Ned and Olive manage to dive out of "Mother" as it goes over the cliff. Clinging to a tree branch, they are rescued just in the nick of time by a mysterious man.

Chuck is sure that her Dad was the guardian angel that saved Ned and Olive and also the person who made sure that both coffins were empty. Not only was Dwight removed from the coffin, but he was placed in his hotel bed looking like he died of natural causes and with a stash of items making him look like a graverobber.

Which he was, as a matter of fact...

But Ned and Olive's savior was not Chuck's Dad, but Ned's. In the form of George Hamilton.

Go figure.

Six Shopping Days Left 'til Christmas!

Time is running out to get your Christmas shopping done! I know I'm still working on finding the perfect gifts for my loved ones. What makes it even harder is money being tight in these tough economic times...

If you're struggling for ideas, I've got two words for you:

1. Disney - This limited edition Disney Couture Harvey's Seatbelt bag features Mickey Mouse on comic webbing with splashes of color. It's both cute and functional. Made of 100% seat belt, it's capable of holding up to 2,000 pounds of necessities (I know sometimes my bag feels that heavy...). It's lined in genuine flight satin, used by the US Airforce to make flight jackets, and features strong magnetic snaps or YKK zippers, NASA certified thread and chrome plated feet imported from Italy.

2. Discount - Not only will HipUndies ship the bag to you for a mere $1.00, but--courtesy of Well Above Average--you can get $50 off when you use the promo code: WAASAVES. (It stands for Well Above Average Saves! How cool is that?)

HipUndies also carries Hanky Panky, Cosabella, Spanx and Betsey Johnson Lingerie so log on and start shopping!

I Am Not my Blog

Via the blog Dark Star Discovery, I stumbled upon the Typealyzer, a Myers-Brigg categorization for blogs.

According to it, Well Above Average is:

ESTP - The Doers

The active and playful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

Hmmm...that is the exact opposite of my Myers-Brigg type which is INFJ.

Is my blog the Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll?

Crossing One Off the List

Sunday I received my first Christmas present. My friend Dave gifted me with the step stool from my Christmas list so I won't be risking breaking my neck on my wobbly swivel chair.

I can hardly wait to change a light bulb!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button soundtrack available 12/16

Although movie-goers have to wait until Christmas Day to check out Brad Pitt portraying the title character in the tale of a man who ages backwards, music lovers can get their hands on the soundtrack from the movie today.

The two CD set features the score by Award-winning composer Alexandre Desplat on disc one and a collection of songs and dialogue snippets from the film on disc two. To mirror Benjamin's retrograde existence, Desplat created a main theme that can be played backwards as well as forwards. Other themes come and go, and chords switch from major to minor, as the clock ticks and characters disappear from the story.

Desplat's haunting score is complemented by music by Louis Armstrong, the Preservation Jazz Hall Band and even The Platters--evoking the melodies and milieu of New Orleans as well as the moments in time of Benjamin's life. According to Desplat:

"The movie has everything that a film can offer to a composer: A humanistic script by Eric Roth of a man's epic journey living his life biologically in reverse through a century, a heartbreaking love story played with intensity by two of the most glamorous and gifted actors of our times, the pulse of jazz in the city where he was born, a twist of witty humor, the metaphysical question of death, and the pure visual magic created by a genius director."

Whether or not the film turns out to be the brilliant epic of Desplat's assessment, there's no doubt from the pieces I've seen that it looks spectacular. And, after listening to the soundtrack, it sounds spectacular as well.

Heroes - Dual

The anti-climatic mid-season cliffhanger episode of Heroes left me with only one question:

Is Sylar really dead?

I sort of doubt it.

Meredith, on the other hand, seems to have suffered the ignominious fate of self-immolation and Knox was frozen to smithereens by Tracy.

Mohinder, however, survives to continue his cheesy voice-overs.

There really is no justice in the battle between good and evil now, is there?

Starting off with Nathan's throw-down to Peter: "Eventually you're going to have to choose a side," the finale of Volume Three tried to live up to both aspects of its title. On one hand, "Dual" explored the thin line between good and evil. On the other, "Duel" highlighted the clashes between the various characters: Peter vs. Nathan and Sylar vs. Claire.

The jury's still out as to who were the winners in last night's episode.

Peter managed to trash Nathan's laboratory--although when push came to shove (and there was a lot of pushing, shoving, punching and general smacking around in the episode), his high standards against the distribution of abilities excluded injecting himself with Suresh's formula.

Which was weird, because I thought the last syringe was snatched from Suresh's hands by speedster Daphne. Ando injects himself with it in order to get the ability to time travel so he can rescue Hiro. After regaining consciousness, he asks Matt and Daphne if he has any abilities. "So far all we know is that you can pass out really well," snarks the speedster.

Ando tries to teleport himself to save Hiro but is unsuccessful. Daphne tells him to scrunch like Hiro did. Matt cautions him to "Scrunch gently." So let's review: we have the "brain mojo thingy" and "scrunching."

After much effort exerted in scrunching, Ando is still in the present with no time travel ability. It soon becomes apparent that the power that he did get was ability to amplify or super-charged other people's abilities. So, in concert with Daphne's speed, he is able to travel back in time and rescue Hiro who is just about to destroy the formula.

Ando and Daphne manage to swoop in and save Hiro from being turned into human shish-kabob by his Daddy who does not recognize the future version of his son, but before Hiro is ability to rip the formula to shreds. Although Hiro wasn't able to destroy the formula in the past, he and Daphne speed travel to Pinehearst to retrieve the formula in the present.

Tracy Strauss has the same idea, but the formula is snatched from her hands after Hiro clocks her in the face. That'll teach her to call him "Pikachu."

Back at Primatech, Sylar has Claire, Angela, Noah and Meredith in lock-down as he pursues his vengeance against Angela, who lied to and manipulated him and Noah, who helped turn him into a monster. As Meredith walks through the halls littered with body parts, she is jumped from behind by Sylar who injects her with adrenaline. Sylar locks Meredith--whose fire powers are out of control--in a cell with Noah.

While Claire helps them to break out of the cell, Sylar deals with Mommie Dearest. Angela admits that she is not his mother but tells him, "I know who your real parents are. If you kill me, you'll never find out."

Way to go, Angela--always good to keep a bargaining chip up your sleeve!

As Sylar begins to slice her skull, Claire manages to sneak up behind him and drive a shard of glass into his brain.

Chapter Thirteen casualties:

Meredith - dead
Knox - dead
Eric Doyle - probably dead

On the other hand, Peter's got power(s) again and Ando is now one of the "evolved." And best of all, the tribal guy appears to be alive and well with head attached!

Of course they're all in danger now as Nathan's secret meeting with the President means that all those with abilities will now be hunted down and confined.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Movie

Television has plenty of ways to get us into the holiday spirit. Some classic (How the Grinch Stole Christmas), some claptrap (Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer). I've sort of outgrown the Rankin-Bass claymation specials, but there are special Christmas movies that will never grow old for me. Here are my favorites:

1. It's a Wonderful Life - I watched this for the 27th (or maybe more!) last night. I still puddle up when Harry toasts his big brother George Bailey at the end of the movie. It's the best Christmas movie EVER.

2. Scrooge - The musical version of A Christmas Carol starring Albert Finney manages to infuse the Dickens classic with really catchy songs. Everything about this movie--from the costumes to the casting--is perfect.

3. Scrooged - For those wanting to avoid the saccharine-sweetness of most holiday-themed movies, the Bill Murray version of A Christmas Carol should suffice. It remains true to the original story even as it updates it to the modern-day.

4. Miracle on 34th Street - Yes, Susan Walker--there IS a Santa Claus! So determines the state of New York in one of the best courtroom scenes in any movie. Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle isn't as much sugar as he is spice. His is a bit of a confrontational, crochety Santa who's not above being a bit naughty (smacking down an annoying Macy's employee for example...) rather than just nice.

5. The Santa Clause - This Tim Allen vehicle is much darker than your average Christmas movie. The clever high-concept plot doesn't overwhelm the message and Allen does a great job at portraying the reluctant Santa Claus.

6. Elf - Will Ferrell's perpetual manchild finds the perfect combination of humor and heart in Buddy, the Christmas elf. I love the scene where he uses Legos and LightBrights to rig up Gimbel's in time for Santa's visit. And how could you not love a movie that incorporates the talents of Ed Asner and Bob Newhart?

7. White Christmas - Although the plot is merely a contrivance to feature the singing talents of Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby, it still manages to convey the best aspects of the season: friendship, loyalty, compassion, generosity and SNOW!

8. The Ref - Denis Leary finds out crime does not pay when he hides out at the Chasseurs. The dysfunctionality of Lloyd (Kevin Spacey) and Caroline (Judy Davis) makes the strain of most family gatherings pale in comparison.

9. Bad Santa - The tagline for this movie starring Billy Bob Thornton as a drunken, womanizing, thieving mall Santa is "He's very naughty...and not very nice." This isn't some schmaltzy Christmas special for the kiddies--but it's one of my favorites all the same. Hysterically funny--especially when Willie tears into Thurman's advent calendar--and then feeling remorseful, tries to rectify it by replacing the chocolates with aspirin, candy corn, etc.

10. Gremlins - You may not think of this as a Christmas movie, but it is set at Christmastime and the original "gremlin" was an ill-advised Christmas gift. The scene where Billy's mom fends off the evil gremlins who have invaded her kitchen is worth the price of the rental alone...

Frost/Nixon

After the snoozefest that was Oliver Stone's W., I wasn't sure what to expect from Frost/Nixon. Sure it had gotten lots of love from the critics and boasted Michael Sheen--who has twice wowed as with his uncanny Tony Blair impressions--playing David Frost. But could Ron Howard turn a dialogue-heavy stage play about politics into a compelling movie?

You betcha.

Personally, I think Ron Howard is an incredibly under-rated director. Sure, he's been associated with some losers like The Da Vinci Code (well, the film version was a loser for me although its earnings of over $200 million domestically is nothing to sneeze at...), but also with gems like Willow (remember when Val Kilmer was HOT? Now he looks like the guy who ate Val Kilmer...), Parenthood, Apollo 13 (which deserved an Oscar in my opinion) and The Missing.

As with all Ron Howard films, you get the obligatory Clint Howard appearance--but I find that more endearing than annoying. The rest of the cast is pitch perfect--from Toby Jones as agent Swifty Lazar to Patty McCormack as the fragile Pat Nixon. Kevin Bacon proves once again why he is such a stalwart to have inspired the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game (I believe we're down to three degrees by now...) and Sam Rockwell is super as well.

But the movie belongs to Michael Sheen and Frank Langella who embody the title roles with such confidence and finesse. Sheen's portrayal of Frost is subtly layered and gives depth and intrigue to what could have been glossed over with facile charm and wit. I wavered with Langella--who captured the voice and mannerisms of the disgraced ex-president and managed to convey both arrogance and humanity. But by the end of the film he had so disappeared into the persona, I was completely won over.

The film manages to be humorous, topical and a cat-and-mouse thriller. No doubt Howard, a bit of an underdog when it comes to respect and appreciation, could identify with Frost's quest to be taken more seriously than just a "talk show host." And in the same way that the Frost/Nixon interviews helped legitimize David Frost as an interviewer, Frost/Nixon should do the same for the under appreciated Ron Howard.

Combing Through the Keywords

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. While perusing my analytics, it occurred to me that I get an awful lot of visits from people searching for answers to Gap related questions. E.g.; "What are Gap rewards?," "How do Gap rewards work?" and "Can I use Discover Card at the Gap?" I had 204 visits from the search term "gap rewards" alone in the last couple of months.

I think the Gap should hire me to write a blog for them. God knows I shop there often enough that a good portion of what they paid me would end up back in their bank account.

Next in popularity was the term "Hollie Nell blog" with 58 visits. This is no doubt my fab friend Hollie's psycho stalker. I used to have a stalker, but thankfully she's gotten a life.

"Mark Cuban shirtless" comes in with 30 visits. That can't ALL be Elisabeth waving "Hi!," so some of you people need to get a life like Hollie's stalker.

"Tom Bergeron shirtless"--thankfully--only garnered 11 visits, while "Eddie Steeples shirtless" accounted for 9. I also got "Freddy Rodriguez shirtless pictures from Havoc."

That one I understand!

There was a lot of interest in the actor who played Warren Schilling on Desperate Housewives (Peter Onorati) and the one who played Orson's friend, Peter Hickey (Bruce Thomas). I'll post a picture of Bruce, because he's cuter than Peter (sorry Peter--playing a wife beater just isn't attractive...)

Someone wondered about a movie starring a little boy with an asthma attack. Signs comes to mind--as the asthma of the character portrayed by Rory Culkin became an integral part of the plot. There's also Sean Astin in The Goonies. And I think the drippy little boy who played Geena Davis' son in The Accidental Tourist had asthma, but I could be wrong...

There was a search for "Italian actress with butterfly tattoo above crotch." I'm guessing they were looking for Asia Argento. But it's not a butterfly, but an angel or the madonna or something humanoid with wings...

"Does growing a goatee affect getting a job?"

Probably not, but it will in all likelihood decrease your chances of getting laid...

"Does Ty Treadway sleep in the nude?"

Wouldn't you like to know!

"Does celery cause cancer?"

I don't think so...

"Christmas song with guy and girl in a grocery store?"

Two songs come to mind: Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg or Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.

Then there's the lost soul searching for "Thelma from Scooby Doo always says "jin." First off, the character's name is "Velma," not "Thelma." Velma Dace Dinkley to be exact--which I know because Velma (believe it or not) has her own page on Wikipedia.

Secondly, she's not using the name of the recently departed LOST character in vain, but instead the exclaimation is "Jinkies!"

Don't ask me what that means--I have no idea.

And then comes the really random @#$%--from the disturbing to the banal:

back seat fucking at the westside pavillion parking
ballbusting pornos
cheating ugly office girls
full frontal netflix
granny during sex with cucumber
grannys haveing sex.com
ugly granny breasts movies
how to tuck when wearing speedo
profane recharge in chino hills

Actually, I think that last person meant "proPane recharge in chino hills"...

But the one that boggles my mind is "connection between bart simpson, napoleon, kurt cobain, kermit and michelangelo."

Seriously--if someone knows the answer to that, let me know! It's gonna keep me awake nights...

Then there's:

average appendix
average breast size by nation
average christmas in the united states
average day screenwriter
average donation to breast cancer foundation
average forehead
average heroes
average hoa fees santa clarita
average level free rice
average men fashion
average mens fashion tips
average pay for actors dirty sexy money
average poems
average price of dvd promotion
average rainy days london
average rent paid by pr firms
average role models
average salary of pacemaker rep
average sale price of a screenplay
average shelf life of a professional dancer
average songs heard a day
average stop loss
average tattoo time
average thoughts
average time for dentist appointment
average time to read 100 pages
average top models
average vocabulary level on free rice
average writing
averaging poem
above average
above average ability
above average fashions
above average four year old
above average return
above average words

...for which I can offer no assistance. 'Cuz we don't do "average" or "above average" here.

Only "Well Above Average."

The Office - Moroccan Christmas

My company has its holiday party last Saturday and although it culminated with the CEO stripping down to his BVDs and jumping into a swimming pool (I left before that scene...), it was quite tame compared to the party on last night episode of The Office.

Phyllis' Moroccan-theme party is a hit with everyone--with the exception of Angela--until Meredith overdoes it on Michael toxic punch (equal parts Scotch, Absinthe, Rum, Gin, Vermouth, Triple Sec and two packs of Splenda) and accidentally sets her hair on fire. Dwight setting the fire extinguisher on her was reminiscent of the bat episode where he trapped the bat by throwing a Hefty bag over Meredith's head.

Meredith's overindulgence leads Michael to declare an intervention; "It's a surprise party for people who have addictions." Of course Meredith denies having an addiction to anything other than porn. Michael tries pleading with her ("I'm imploring her to quit being an alcoholic!") and threats ("The next time you light yourself on fire, we are not going to put you out."), but Meredith refuses to admit she has a problem.

Michael tricks her into thinking they're going out for a drink (her near encyclopedic knowledge of all the bars in town is pretty damning evidence that she DOES have a problem), but Michael ends up dragging her kicking and screaming to rehab. "I have a deposit...alcoholic," he tells the front desk. He soon finds out, you can't put someone in rehab against their will--they have to hit rock bottom. "I need to find way to push Meredith to the bottom," he says determined.

Dwight's black market Princess Unicorn was humorous. Or as Dwight would say, "Fa la la la la la la ka-ching!" Toby decides he would be a hero to his daughter AND cheese off his ex-wife if he gets one for Christmas. Unfortunately, Darryl has bought the last one--but when Toby begs him for it, he offers to sell it to Toby. For $400. Toby is grateful until he sees that it's a black Princess Unicorn. When Darryl notices his discomfort, he stutters "It's even better than the one I wanted!"

I wonder if my blogging buddy Rae was satisfied when Phyllis outed Angela's ongoing affair with Dwight despite being engaged to Andy. Now the whole office knows--except for Andy, who was trying to learn to play a Christmas carol on the sitar.

Poor Andy. I wonder who's gonna break the news to him...

The Real Real Thing

Way cuter than the Coca-Cola commercial that plays this time of year--fuzzy polar bears! They could probably maul and swallow me in one gulp, but they look very cuddly here.

Too bad the picture was part of an article in the Washington Post about the Bush administration's continued erosion of the Endangered Species Act.

Hopefully Obama will do something before the only thing left of the polar bear is the animated version...

Pushing Daisies - Lighthouse

Last night's episode of Pushing Daisies was titled "Lighthouse," but I think it should have been called "Cake vs. Pie."

Like that's a difficult choice. C'mon--it's obviously PIE!!!

Okay, I'm a sucker for a death by chocolate cake (the one Ned whipped up for Charles Charles looked absolutely delicious!), but when the choice is between succulent pie (or in this case the delectable Piemaker) or crumbly cake (ala Chuck's decrepit Dad) it's a no-brainer.

In addition to his creepy, gauze-covered countenance, Chuck's Dad has a major chip on his shoulder regarding Ned. "You killed me," he tells the poor Piemaker. His shopping list for Chuck reads: "Slippers, mouthwash, the last twenty years of my life back..." Fortunately--despite the tug-of-war (and knock-down, drag-out fight--I mean "tussle" or "scuffle"...) between "Deadly Nedly" and Charles Charles, Chuck choose Ned telling him, "I told him the spoon lands here."

Meanwhile Olive and Emerson team up to solve the lighthouse murder. While widowed diorama designer Annabelle Vandersloop (Mary Kay Place) doesn't think much of Olive Snook ("Tis better to have loved and lost then to be you..."), Emerson is duly impressed telling her she has a place to go if she ever decides to leave the Piehole. "Itty-bitty, you made me love a rainy day again," the persnickety P.I. tells his pint-sized partner.

As Annabelle Vandersloop would say, "Life. You just can't make this crap up!"

Well, actually you can but that's not the point...

A Kindred Spirit on Craigslist

Just 300 miles north in the San Francisco Bay area, I've found my grammatical soulmate. From a recent Best of Craigslist posting:

"File cabinets with draws, dressers with draws, desks with draws. There are ads all over Craig's List for furniture with "draws." Do you folks by any chance mean "drawers?" A drawer is a box-like thing that is housed in a piece of furniture and that rotates in and out. It's used for storage.

A "draw" is many things, but it is not a "drawer."

Are there really so many people who are confused about this? People in the Marina and SOMA? You don't know what a drawer is? I mean, I hate to be a stickler, but come ON. Not knowing how to spell drawer means you've never read *anything.* Not a work of classic literature, not a pulp novel, not a comic book, not a catalogue, not a magazine, not a newspaper. The word drawer is everywhere.

Literature: Madame Bovary kept things in drawers. Jo March used drawers. Franny and Zooey used drawers. Portnoy used drawers. Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, and the Three Investigators all solved mysteries by striking an old desk, thereby unlatching a "secret drawer."

Drawers aren't only in old literature; they are in recent, highly regarded and prize winning literature: staggering geniuses use drawers. People for whom things are illuminated use drawers.

Even in current best-sellers there are drawers. According to a millisecond-long A9.com search, on page 31 of The Story of Edgar Sawtelle (#62 in Oprah's Bookclub), "...[at] odd moments she might discover Trudy rearranging the chest of drawers..." And in Extreme Measures - a Thriller (2008), on page 271, someone opens a drawer to take out a pack of Marlboros. There are many, many, maaaaany others. It's more likely than not that any work of fiction will refer to a drawer at some point within it's pages.

In advertising: have you never heard of "top drawer service?" Even the newspaper is full of advertising references to Cost Plus World Market weekend deals on rattan wine bars with iron bottle-racks and MDP "utility drawers." Or Macy's blowout furniture "events" where bedroom sets include several items with drawers. Bed, Bath and Beyond sells things with drawers. Instructions for putting together IKEA furniture make references to these things called "drawers."

While it's possible you are confusing drawers with "draws," those flat, pull-out trays that might be on a taboret or tool chest, that's still doesn't contradict the fact that you don't read enough to know how to accurately represent that storage-box part of the furniture you are selling. You don't recognize or spell correctly the word "drawer."

Is this such a big deal? Not knowing how to spell a word? Maybe, maybe not. Though I'd perhaps be less concerned if you were having trouble spelling, say, "Czechoslovakia," or "appliqué," or even, "biscuit." Those words aren't as ubiquitous in our lives as the word "drawer."

But not knowing "drawer." It says something larger. Something not good.

I'm not trying to pick on anyone here. Just to say, this seems to be a disturbing trend and I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means."

Heroes - Our Father

While I do miss warm and fuzzy Sylar, skull-slicing Sylar had all the best lines in last night's episode of Heroes. Determined to find out the truth about his parentage, he tracks down Sue Landers whose ability is to be a human lie detector.

"How does it work?" he asks her. "Does it tingle?" When Sue's co-workers burst through the door to wish her a Happy Birthday, they are horrified to witness a blood-covered Sylar. "Cake!" says Sylar gleefully. Later, the blood-spattered serial killer shares an elevator with a trembling suit who nervously shakes his head no when Sylar asks if there is a problem. "Hmm, it does tingle!" Sylar muses of his new ability.

Ando and Matt Parkman tag-along with Daphne the speedster to track down the unpublished issue of Ninth Wonder. "I like teleporting better. Less windy!" mutters Ando. The dispatcher at the delivery company denies knowing anything about the sketches, but Matt does his brain mojo thingy and determines he's lying. The dispatcher tries to dodge them, but he is outpaced easily by the speedster.

With the sketches in their possession, the trio is dismayed to find that Hiro is lost in time. Having gone back in time sixteen years with Claire, Hiro is delighted to see his mother. Having just witnessed Kaito handing baby Claire over to Noah, Hiro follows his younger self into the next room. "Should I stay with me or should I go with you?" Claire asks him.

Eavesdropping on Kaito's conversation with Hiro's dying mother (who ironically is a healer who apparently can't heal herself...), they learn that she has the catalyst and the plan is to transfer it into baby Claire. Claire races off to prevent that from happening, while Hiro pretends to be the newly hired chef in order to spend more time with his Mom.

Claire runs into her Mom Sandra struggling with the new baby Claire and offers her help. Calling herself Bonnie, she ingratiates herself with Sandra, but Noah is suitably suspicious when he returns to find the strange young woman taking care of the baby. Claire manages to convince Noah not to take the phone call from the Company ordering him to bring Claire back for the catalyst.

Meanwhile, Hiro introduces himself to his mother who heals his stolen memories (Yay--he can speak his broken English again!) and inbues him with the catalyst. After the catalyst leaves her body, she dies. Claire returns and Hiro tells her that he has the catalyst. But not for long--in an instant Arthur shows up, removes the catalyst and powers from Hiro and throws him off the balcony.

He teleports Claire back to the present with a message: "Tell Angela I've won."

Via the unpublished Ninth Wonder, Matt, Daphne and Ando discover Hiro's dilemma but cling to the hope that if Arthur has the catalyst, he can perfect the formula and then perhaps there will be another time traveler who can go back in time and rescue Hiro. Ando even volunteers for the job...

But back at Pinehearst, there are plenty of volunteers in the form of ready, willing and able Marines. One in particular is name Kyle Baldwin--uh, I mean "Scott." Maybe not so coincidentally, Chad Faust of The 4400 appears on Heroes as the first volunteer to be injected with Promicin--um, I mean "the formula." He's a bit freaked out when he sees that the injection is being administered by the molting Mohinder, but after convulsing for a few minutes he settles.

"How do you feel?" asks Nathan. Rising, Scott rips the bolted down chair out of the concrete floor and throws it through the plate glass window. "I feel good," he responds. Mmm--me, too! I hope we get a few more episodes of the newly minted hero who main ability in my book is extreme hotness...

Angela sends Peter and the Haitian to kill Arthur. The Haitian blocks Arthur's powers while Peter aims the pistol--but in usual Peter fashion he can't pull the trigger. When he finally does at the last minute, the bullet stays in suspended animation just inches from Arthur's head. Sylar stops time in order to have a brief reunion with the Petrellis. "No place I'd rather be than with family," he tells Arthur and Peter.

He asks Arthur whether or not he's his father. Arthur tells him of course, but with his new lie detector ability Sylar knows he's lying. He lets the bullet finish its path to Arthur's brain.

For those keeping score: that's four dead - Arthur, Elle, Sue Landers and Hiro's mom. And yet Mohinder and Maya are still alive.

Do What You Want, Be What You Are

My recent review of Hall and Oates: Live at the Troubadour reminded me of this great tune.

Do What You Want, Be What You Are

Do what you want girl, but be what you are
There ain't no right or wrong way
Just a play from the heart
It ain't a sign of weakness to give yourself away
Because the strong give up and move on,
While the weak give up and stay

[Chorus:]
So do what you want to do
But be what you are...

Do you believe in hot cars,
leather bars or movie stars...
Is that what's real?
Payin' dues, Earth Shoes, Chicago blues
Is that how you feel?
You can change, but you can't conceal
what's deep inside you...
It's your game, it's your deal

[Chorus:]
So do what you want to do
But be what you are...

Desperate Housewives - A Vision's Just a Vision

Of all the tender and tragic moments on last night's episode of Desperate Housewives, the most tragic had to be Lynette's jeans. Someone needs to fire the wardrobe person because those torn up, stone washed denim are a crime against humanity. The only thing was a worse eyesore was her hairstyle.

I'm guessing Felicity Huffman is gunning for an Emmy and the dowdy hair and clothing are her version of a prosthetic nose.

Dave's lie to the police causes Porter to be arrested by the police. Having used the emergency fund to pay off Anne Schilling, Lynette mortgages the restaurant in order to make bail for Porter. Out of jail, Porter is approached by Warren Schilling who threatens to make him disappear. And disappear he does--skipping bail and town and leaving twin Preston to pretend to be him at the arraignment to give him a head start.

While Lynette deals with heavy issues such as one of her sons going to jail in place of the other, Susan's weighty issues have to with M.J. (it stands for "Maynard James" people--the names of Mike's grandfathers) dropping a bowling ball on Katherine's foot. It seems M.J. is taking too well to Mike dating. Edie is the one who clues Susan is that her actions speak louder than words with M.J. and kids pick up on that stuff.

And just when I was thinking that is was quite a role reversal for Edie to play the wise friend with Susan, she adds the kicker: "Two of my friends involved in a catfight? I live for that stuff!"

Good ol' Edie--you can always count on her for the snark!

After the bowling ball incident, Mike and Susan sit down with M.J. and find out that he's so hostile toward Katherine because he believes Mike and Susan will get back together. Susan asks Mike if he's ever contemplated the idea of their never being together again, but he refuse to discuss it.

Bree finds out that Andrew has been living with Alex--the doctor who performed surgery on Orson's deviated septum--for the last six months. Bree is aghast that Andrew would hide this information from her saying, "The man's a doctor--you've done better than I did!" (If I remember correctly first husband Rex was a doctor even if Orson is merely a dentist...) She invites Andrew and Alex over for dinner.

In an effort to be supportive, Bree urges the couple to "scootch" closer on the sofa. Andrew tells her, "As much as we appreciate your tolerance, we can wait until we get home to make out." Then the other dinner guests arrive--Bob and Lee, the token gay couple next door. (Hey, I love Bob and Lee and was gratified to see them getting more airtime, but Tuc Watkins is one of the funniest humans on the planet and being relegated to being the Scavo lawyer or Kevin Rahm's straight man is a crying shame...)

The two recognize Alex from somewhere and Bree gets them to admit they saw Alex in an adult movie. "By "adult" do you mean complex and sophisticated?" Bree asks hopefully. Later, Bree confronts Andrew with the DVD and Andrew tells her that Alex told him long ago about his youthful indiscretion--and given his own checkered past, he's OK with it.

So Bree's got a wedding to cater--might that be scheduled for May sweeps?

The big news was Carlos getting his sight back--and finding out that Gaby sold his baseball autographed by Lou Gehrig that had been passed down from generation to generation in his family. Gaby attempts to retrieve it from the rich Italian collector before Carlos found out it was missing. Via a translator, the Italian offers to return it if he can watch Gaby dance on the table.

Gaby refuses and leaves--but when Carlos demands she get the baseball back, she returns to dance for the Italian. The return of Carlos' sight allows him not only to see his little girls for the first time, but the sacrifices Gaby has made to keep them afloat financially. All her designer dresses, expensive shoes and jewelry were sold to pay the mortgage. Gaby returns with the baseball which she tosses at Carlos.

"Why are you limping?" Carlos asks. "Fell off a table. Don't want to talk about it." Gaby replies.

Later Gaby sees a beautiful dress hanging in her closet; Carlos sold his baseball to buy it for her. The scene where he thanks her for all her sacrifices really touching. Carlos tells Gaby he's going to sell his watch to buy her shoes to go with the dress. "It's a knock-off," Gaby tells him. "I sold the real one two years ago to get the roof fixed."

Looks like the writers pulled a fast one on us with the Dave Williams story. Here we were thinking that Dave held a grudge against Mike for killing his brother during a fight when they were both in prison, but it turns out that Dave's anger is over the deaths of Lila and Paige Dash--the mother and child killed in the car accident that ended Mike and Susan's marriage.

Hmm--I thought Susan was driving the car when the accident happened...Has Dave directed his rage at the wrong person?