Saturday, April 12, 2008

Because I've nothing better to do...

Your Google searches shall lead to dead ends no more! Here's some keywords that landed at my blog in the last month:

Since I'm an avid movie-watcher, I get a lot of movie related questions such as:

No Country for Old Men deleted scenes?

There were no deleted scenes on the DVD release that I watched. Does that mean there weren't any deleted scenes? Possibly. Remember Joel and Ethan Coen both wrote AND directed No Country for Old Men, so quite possibly they wrote a script that was the complete blueprint for their finished movie. And that any "deleting of scenes" was done during the writing process.

Kurt Cobain About a Son screenplay?

Um, About a Son is a DOCUMENTARY made up of audio interviews between Cobain and journalist Michael Azerrad set to visuals of Cobain's environment. There was no script.

Sixth Sense star plays in August Rush?

I thought Freddie Highmore seemed to be channeling Haley Joel Osment's precocious performance as the wunderkind in August Rush--but given the fact that Osment played the troubled Cole Sears in The Sixth Sense almost a decade ago, it would be difficult to confuse the now 20 year old actor for the eleven year old musical prodigy. Although, interestingly enough, Highmore recently turned sixteen. Guess his child star days are behind him now...

Some random celebrity searches:

John Taylor of Duran Duran likes sex?

Well, duh. It would be most surprising if he did NOT.

George Clooney of Irish descent?

Again, DUH! What gave it away? The name "Clooney" or the flawless Irish skin? I'm betting Clooney likes sex as well.

Questions from other TV addicts:

Which soap opera character was married the most times?

I do not know the absolute definitive answer to that. My guess would have been Erica Kane (or more accurately,
Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Roy Roy Montgomery Montgomery Chandler Marick Marick Montgomery) of All My Children whose TWELVE trips down the aisle by far beat out my other favorite--Victoria Lord (Gordon) Riley Burke Riley Buchanan Buchanan Carpenter Davidson of One Life to Live who has a mere seven marriages! But in reality (oh wait--we're talking about soap operas so reality is an oxymoron...), the winner has to be Asa Buchanan of One Life to Live who puts Henry VIII to shame with fourteen marriages to ten different women.

Can anyone come up with a character who has been married MORE than fourteen times?

Judith Light in Desperate Housewives tornado?

You're getting your ABC primetime soaps mixed up. Judith Light plays Claire Meade on Ugly Betty. She was not on Wisteria Lane at the time of the tornado.

Speaking of DH, we had more fans looking for answers, such as:

Is Orson Benjamin's father?

Do you actually WATCH this show? Bree's wayward daughter Danielle gave birth to Benjamin while Bree dressed up in fake pregnancy bellies. The baby was conceived while Danielle was fooling around with Julie Mayer's (Susan's daughter) boyfriend Austin (the nephew of Edie Britt) behind Julie's virginal back.

Gabby's boyfriend on Desperate Housewives?

Which one? I'll assume you mean her affair with the underage gardener, John Rowland, played by Jesse Metcalfe.

How did Carlos lose his sight?

Carlos was injured during the tornado. My bet is the whack on the head Victor gave him with the two by four.

DWTS singer blonde?

Several possibilities: My best guess is that the searcher is looking for Kylie Minogue who performed on a recent results show. Another guess is Sheryl Crow, also blonde, also a singer, also recently performed on DWTS. Final possibility: Multi-talented professional dancer Julianne Hough who is releasing a country album. She dances, she sings, she's blonde!

And speaking of Julianne Hough, someone searched on "Julianne Hough pudgy."

Yeah, you WISH you were that "fat"!

Health related searches turned up these queries:

Lantus Solostar pen pros and cons?

As far as I'm concerned it's all pros. Unlike the horrible Opticlick, it's pre-filled (like the Novolog Flexpens) and there isn't the problem with the dosing malfunctions. It's actually superior to Flexpens in that you don't have to hold the button down to prevent any drawback into the pen.

Lantus muscle cramps?

I've heard some people have experienced this side effect, but I'm not one of them. Lantus definitely has it's cons--it doesn't keep me nearly as stable as Levemir did. But Levemir required two doses a day, while Lantus only requires one. The muscle cramping that I did experience was when my blood sugar was out of control and it was a tandem side effect to the persistent dehydration.

How many units of Lantus to inject with blood sugar over 200?

Lantus is long acting insulin meant to keep fasting blood sugars stable. Its dosage is variable by individual--weight, activity level, insulin resistance/sensitivity. The best way to calculate is to get at what seems to be an appropriate dosage and test it by fasting. The other factors to maintain stable blood sugar levels are: weight (lose it), activity level (do it!) and diet (the fewer carbs, the better). You might want to check out Gary Sheiner's Think Like a Pancreas: a Practical Guide to Managing Diabetes with Insulin.

Am I addicted to chocolate?

Do you feel shaky when you've gone more than eight hours between Snickers bars? Do you dig through couch cushions to conjure up enough loose change to score a Kit-Kat? Do you squirt Bosco directly into your mouth and chase it with a slurp of milk which you swish around in your mouth to make "chocolate milk"? Have you ever taken a scoop of peanut butter on a spoon and then mashed some Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chips on top as a makeshift substitute for a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? Have you ever been reduced to eating semi-sweet baking chocolate in order to satisfy a craving.

If so, you may be addicted to chocolate.

How to stop taking CUUR?

Stop. There--that was easy! I didn't notice much difference between taking CUUR and NOT taking CUUR and so stopping was just a easy as starting. Easier because I don't have to remember to take the pill with meals anymore!

And then there were more random searches like "where to find freegans in Los Angeles country?"

Well, I always encounter a few camped out in Palisades Park, the bluff that runs along Ocean Avenue above Santa Monica beach. Living the Freegan Mantra: "we begin to realize that, as workers, we are cogs in a machine of violence, death, exploitation, and destruction," these savvy souls have escaped cog-like conformity and spend most of the day sleeping in the open air.

How can I get financial support while I write a book?

Get a job. Or become a freegan.

And of course we have the predictable skin searchers. "Ty Treadway naked" is understandable. "Thelma Scooby Doo naked" is inexplicable. Dude, you realize you're talking about a CARTOON?!!!

And finally, for the person searching for "being above average is a good thing," I can only concur and add that being WELL above average is even better.

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