Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Best of Craigslist - A Ten for a TP

Seattle-Tacoma Craigslist has the honor of the best Best of Craigslist post that I've read in quite a while courtesy of an Issaquah homeowner with a seriously great sense of humor. Enjoy!

"To the Boys Who TP’d My House Last Night -- excellent job! No, seriously, best TP job I have ever seen. And, as the son of a former high school principal, I’ve seen a few!

It was like you’d Googled “How to TP a House”.


- is on the corner so lots of people driving by see your work – CHECK!
- has lots of hedges and HIGH trees to hang TP on – CHECK!
- has no fence to trap you in case you’re caught – CHECK!
- has no motion-sensitive lights to warn the owners – CHECK!
- has no dog – DOH!

Yes, we have a dog – and you should have known that because he barks at you when you walk by. Our barking dog woke me up. And finally, pick a house which:

- doesn’t have an owner crazy enough to take down all your handiwork in the middle of the night before anyone gets to witness your genius – DOH!

I was almost SORRY to be dismantling your masterpiece before morning light. If it helps, I actually stood back and took it all in before I started pulling down streams of white. But, this being Seattle, I was afraid it would rain and wet TP is REALLY hard to remove from trees. I speak from experience here.


First, your TP technique was superb. I believe I got the benefit of your collective experience here? This couldn’t have been your first job.

- the sheer volume of TP was impressive. I counted no fewer than six rolls
- the TP was indeed in the HIGHEST branches of my trees – great arm! I had to climb the trees and use a rake to remove the final flapping vestiges.
- the TP was high quality, important because the cheap stuff doesn’t cling right

But it was all the EXTRAS which put this TP job in the “excellent” category:

- At least a grocery bag of ripped-into-small-pieces colored construction paper scattered across our lawn. Even in the streetlight it was pretty.
- Silly string! Come on – who doesn’t appreciate silly string? Especially on hedges. That stuff is stubborn. There’s still some out there.
- And the coup-de-grace – the Vaseline on the door handle. Brilliant! As I chased you off in my bare feet (more on this below) I noted my flash light covered in sticky stuff. Took me a while to figure out what had happened.

Now, on your escape – you did break one cardinal rule of the TP trade. If discovered do NOT run in the direction of your house. It could be argued you should lose a point for this gaff, but I suppose it can be forgiven given the lay of the land and the fact that you were likely freaked out when I burst out of my front door with flash light hand.

Would you believe I actually ENVIED you as you ran off? I truly did. Because I knew your hearts were hammering at your ribs and you were experiencing that delicious fear that comes from being discovered in the middle of perpetrating a first-class prank. “Holy crap, dude! He almost CAUGHT US!” The thought made me laugh out loud several times as I went about putting my front yard right again.


Finally, what you DIDN’T DO is also important: you didn’t trample our newly planted plants or break any tree branches. You didn’t egg the house – that can destroy paint jobs. You didn’t do anything to cause any real damage to our home or property.

So – in closing – don’t be too disappointed I removed all the materials you carefully collected and brought to our house before anyone else got to see it displayed in all its glory. I am memorializing your effort here on Craigslist for all to read.

After an hour of work, as I stood back and looked at my boring de-TP’d yard, I brought to mind how much more colorful it had been just 60 mintues before. With your work in mind, I held up an imaginary score card Olympics style…10.0! Had there been crowds, they would have gone wild.

With respect,

Home Owner, Issaquah WA

P.S. btw, once is funny. Twice...not so much. ;) "

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