Saturday, February 28, 2009

Cruising Through the Keywords

In January, the top ten searches that landed at my blog were:

  1. gap rewards
  2. stella screenwriter blog
  3. well above average
  4. ihop socialism
  5. trail of the screaming forehead dvd
  6. gap rewards points
  7. hollie nell blog
  8. biotherm celluli laser
  9. gap reward points
  10. eddie steeples shirtless
Sorry Mark Cuban and Tom Bergeron--the Crabman kicked your asses! (Actually variations of "Tom Bergeron shirtless" got five hits and "Mark Cuban shirtless" had three...Hi Elisabeth!)

Speaking of which: two hits came from "Eddie Steeples workout." Seriously people, have you seen the Crabman in his tank top? Does that body look like something buffed and toned at a gym?

Then we had questions:

Who is the actress that plays Bradley's wife Maria on Desperate Housewives?

That would be the uniquely named "Ion Overman."

Who was the actress in the convenience store in LOST "The Lie"?

Another unusal name: Chantal Boom'la.

Actress for Ellie in LOST "Jughead"?

Hello? IMBD people! The young Eloise Hawking was played by Alexandra Krosney.

Naked actresses in The Tudors?

That would be pretty much all of them...

What is the song in the iPod commercial that plays at the Fashion Show Mall in Las Vegas?

A brief trip to YouTube confirms that it was "Mi Swing Es Tropical" by Nickodemus & Quantic featuring Tempo.

What happened to the dead cat on Desperate Housewives?

Toby did not die! You shouldn't say things like that--it angries him up...

What can i do if my blood sugar reading is 529?

First, step away from the pasta! Insulin is what keeps blood sugar under control. If you're resistant, reduce or eliminate high carb food (especially white starchy foods like bread, pasta, rice and potatoes) from your diet and increase activity like walking, yoga or even a good house cleaning session brings my glucose levels down!

Is Daryl Hall an alcoholic?

Don't know.

Is Kevin Rahm straight?

Don't care.

We had people looking for "jack sayid desmond fan fiction," which was positively quaint compared to those looking for:

ballbusting pornos download
nude dudes cleaning
sex ugly grannys
ugly granny sex
slutty dental hygienist
smooth nude naked people
topless hygienist

Not sure what's going on in the northwest, but I got the following searches ending up at my blog:

snooty cliques in butte, mt
trafford facebook butte mt

Someone was looking for "former fatties turned hotties," which is the complete opposite of my post about when hotties turn into fatties--and it got me wondering: other than Ricki Lake, Jerry O'Connell and Seth Rogen, can we think of anyone?

The person searching on "George Bailey is an INFJ" made me smile. I like to think the protagonist of It's a Wonderful Life is a fellow Capricorn--stoic and dutiful. That he might share my Myers-Briggs type would be very cool indeed!

And then the usual weird stuff:

hooked on speedman
moving thyroid crunching
remove your own tattoo sandpaper
strange shit stars mugshots gore house of horror fucked up

Defiance screen average today?

Box Office Mojo, my friend. Approximately $5k per screen on its opening weekend dropping to a mere $854 for last weekend.

The average pay of a soundtrack movie composer?

I'm pretty sure John Williams makes bank, but indie movie composer Will Oldham (Wendy and Lucy) probably not quite so much...

And finally:

length of the average kiss
list of above average movies to rent
list of average stuff
above average + normal track
above average looking men
above average quotes
above average stella
average earth
average gap clothing employee pay
average heroes
average hotties
average nude
average pay for first time screenplay
average price paid for a feature screenplay
average sale price for screenplays
average screenplay sale price

Capped off by the searcher who knows what's what with: "we don't do average."

You said it, baby!

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