Monday, February 16, 2009

Desperate Housewives - In a World Where Kings are Employers

Looks like the writers for Desperate Housewives have upped the the volume of annoying Susan to 11. As if the pettiness of pressuring Mike to pull extra shifts in order to send M.J. to private school wasn't enough, this week it was peanut butter vs. provolone in the battle between Susan and Katherine.

Yo, Susan--don't you know it takes a village? Susan's attempts to make M.J. a pawn in the panini wars took a hit when Katherine informed her that Mike was moving in with her--and therefore M.J. would be spending a lot of time there as well.

Well, that gloating will be short-lived. Dave, feeling the pressure of Dr. Heller's disappearance, arranges a camping trip with Mike and Katherine. I loved Edie's response: "Camping? Have you met me?" You and me both, Edie. I'd much rather do the room service and spa weekend. Edie's philosophy is "Life is brief--grab all the gusto you can while you're on this side of the dirt." If Dave succeeds with his evil scheme, looks like Katherine is going to be on the wrong side of the dirt shortly.

Hmm...wonder if Susan will be a suspect in Katherine's murder?

Gaby's back to her materialistic self. But her plan to buy herself some bling is thwarted when Carlos' boss Brad announces that no-one will be receiving bonuses. "For god's sake, don't do this to my jeweler!" she pleads. When she spots Brad kissing a blonde who is most definitely not his wife, she races home to share the news with Carlos. Brad, however, has beaten her to it--and offers Carlos the bonus. During a negotiation between Brad and Gaby that completely goes over Carlos' head, his bonus increases from $20k to $30k.

"I'm getting a bonus no-one else is getting based on blackmail?" Carlos exclaims. "You're welcome!" Gaby replies.

But she feels guilty and the bonus and the bracelet when Brad's wife announces that she's pregnant and that she and Brad want Carlos and Gaby to be the godparents.

Bree and Orson butt heads over Andrew's pay raise. Confronted with evidence of Andrew's recent extravagance, Orson is obsessed with finding out just how much money his stepson makes. He calls the bank, but can't get any information without the password for the account--which is the name of Bree's childhood pet.

Orson attempts to extract that information from Bree by pretending to play the "porn name" game. Taking the name of the first pet and the name of the street you grew up on, Orson's porn name is "Thunder McFadden." Bree reluctantly plays along, but can't decide if her name would be "Coco Saugatuck," "Munchy Cedarhurst" or "Taffy Swallow." (Okay, the last two definitely sound like porn names!) Orson presses her about which was her favorite pet, "If Coco, Munchy or Taffy were in a burning building, who would you save?"

Once he has "Munchy" as the password, Orson finds out that Andrew makes TWICE what he does. "I'm your husband!" he protests. "Yes, Orson--we're all aware of how you got the job..." is Bree's rejoinder.


"You're saying I'm worthless!" says Orson. "No, I'm saying you're worth...less," answers Bree. Orson realizes that Andrew is very valuable to the business--but it doesn't stop him from stealing his Mont Blanc pen.

The bickering between Tom and Lynette grows even more intense as their financial difficulties increase. Lynette wants Tom to sell the restaurant, but Tom is reluctant to give up his dream. He fires the waitstaff and recruits his kids to work at Scavos. "We'll love working together!" he cajoles. "Why? We don't even like living together!" replies one of the twins.

But the idea turns out not to be the bonding experience Tom hoped for: Penny loses a band-aid while preparing the salads, Parker is shorting the customers and Porter and Preston argue who gets to wait on the hot girl customer. When a bunch of high school students enter the restaurant, the twins bug out--too embarrassed to be seen by their schoolmates. Tom loses it and has to be restrained by Lynette.

Later, he feels guilty and Lynette sees him going over the accounts. He tells her he's trying to figure out how much the restaurant is worth if they're going to sell it.

So let's review: Susan's possessive, Gaby's greedy, Lynette's naggy, Bree's bossy and Edie--well, Edie's Edie. Apparently she's due to be killed off in an upcoming episode.

I'm gonna miss her.

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